The anvil.

Once back, I find myself sinking into bureaucratic and administrative quicksand, while I look around bewildered and wild-eyed, trying to make sense of what's happening around me. No stipend (aka income) for the next two months? What the hell are you talking about? Until confirmation is through they expect us to live on our own means. Even after confirmation is through we have to wait till the money gets channeled in.

Post-Europe, I am broke. I mean I am not broke enough to be starving, but broke enough to be annoyed.

Be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got. Europe. America. An office space to do what you (kind of) like. Good public transportation. Your own living space. A ukulele (with a snapped string). A (mostly) positive outlook to life. Mostly positive outlook to life, I need you RIGHT NOW.

Settling back in my old life, I am actually experiencing culture shock. I walked into my office today in a daze, unbelieving that I could actually have spent (most of) the past two years cooped up in this place. The feeling of being back is so familiar yet so strange. It's like the past two months was just a really, really long dream, and it did not happen at all. Or is it now that is a dream, and when I wake up I will still be in Berlin, worrying about my lost wallet?

Helplessness. Right now I am wedged between the past and the present, I can't think of Europe right now because it makes me sad, and I don't want to think about the present. Just want to curl up somewhere and hide until this crazy emotional storm ends and I emerge, sweet-smelling and smiley as usual, ready to face the world and its challenges to build the next epic voyage.

*deep breath*