Once back, I find myself sinking into bureaucratic and administrative quicksand, while I look around bewildered and wild-eyed, trying to make sense of what's happening around me. No stipend (aka income) for the next two months? What the hell are you talking about? Until confirmation is through they expect us to live on our own means. Even after confirmation is through we have to wait till the money gets channeled in.
Post-Europe, I am broke. I mean I am not broke enough to be starving, but broke enough to be annoyed.
Be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got, be grateful for what you've got. Europe. America. An office space to do what you (kind of) like. Good public transportation. Your own living space. A ukulele (with a snapped string). A (mostly) positive outlook to life. Mostly positive outlook to life, I need you RIGHT NOW.
Settling back in my old life, I am actually experiencing culture shock. I walked into my office today in a daze, unbelieving that I could actually have spent (most of) the past two years cooped up in this place. The feeling of being back is so familiar yet so strange. It's like the past two months was just a really, really long dream, and it did not happen at all. Or is it now that is a dream, and when I wake up I will still be in Berlin, worrying about my lost wallet?
Helplessness. Right now I am wedged between the past and the present, I can't think of Europe right now because it makes me sad, and I don't want to think about the present. Just want to curl up somewhere and hide until this crazy emotional storm ends and I emerge, sweet-smelling and smiley as usual, ready to face the world and its challenges to build the next epic voyage.
*deep breath*
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Igaühe hinges on revolutsioon lase südamel rääkida
I am typing this at Ester's sister Anna's place, on my last day in Estonia. I leave via ferry today at 6pm to Stockholm, and will be reunited with Marten and Val tomorrow in Gothenburg. I can't wait to see them again, but my heart is rather heavy to leave Estonia, where I had such great times, the past week has been really awesome and thought-provoking, full of music and laughter and new ideas and inspiration.
In no particular order my memorable times in Estonia:
I think my experience in Estonia has taught me so much about life, of how one should live - to stay in Silver's country home and now in Anna's place, where they grow their own stuff and build their own houses and process their own waste, I realized that in being a city kid as I am, I am so detached from all the fundamentals, where everything is as easy as a snap of fingers, and you don't think about where your food comes from, how to make a comfortable and practical home, etc. etc... And while camping, it really makes you realize how precious resources like clean drinking water is, and how little you can actually use, instead of a gushing water tap that comes from places that are so far away that you don't care. And showers are such a luxury!
All in all - I learnt so much, I have only got a glimpse of all the knowledge of living that I don't possess, I really want to stay and learn some more but the current of travelling is pulling me away and I have to go soon... and I am so glad that I hosted Silver and made such a great friend and hence such a wonderful experience in Estonia. Speaking of which I should wake them up somehow so we can have breakfast and leave quite soon to catch my ferry.
In no particular order my memorable times in Estonia:
- Had a traditional sauna yesterday with Silver, Ester, Anna and Martin (Anna's partner). Before, I felt that people have no business in putting themselves into a room that is 100 degrees celsius or even warmer (and then jumping into a water bath of 10 deg), but after yesterday I think I understand. Because it is awesome. I really enjoyed the extreme hot and cold, and it was so good after an entire day of hitchhiking to sweat all the grime and dust away, and then have deep conversations with Anna and Silver till the sun rose (days are very long - the sun rose around 3:30-4am I think).
- Silver and I stole some wheat from a field, and with primitive methods separated the chuff from the grains. We had wheat porridge the second day, which wasn't very good, but we were so proud of the grain-processing (95% pure stuff) that we didn't mind. And there is so much the forest can offer you, if you know where to look and what to eat - we picked blueberries and wild strawberries, some fern-like plant (I can't remember what it was called - have to ask Silver later) for tea, and there were also wild mushrooms that we added into our soup. Seriously tasty stuff.
- Hitchhiking with Silver - having some crazy people picking us up - our first ride begun with a stocky man telling Silver that he hated picking up hitchhikers, but since he was in a good mood he had to; and the two men who picked us up and I later found out that one of them had actually stabbed his wrist (unintentionally) with a screwdriver and "some yellow stuff popped out" and on the way to the emergency room they picked us up; a really nice couple who were the only ones who spoke in English to me (usually they just speak Estonian to Silver)... I think for the whole week that we were hitchhiking we must have had more than 20 rides, and I've covered so much of Estonia by hitching, to the central to the south and to the west, where I am now. Silver is a really good hitching partner, always super positive, while I am the lesser partner always sleeping in cars and sometimes even snoring =P since I rarely need to talk! But yes, I love hitching with a partner, walking long distances on roads that have virtually no cars, when summer days are long and having the firm belief that people would pick us up, for however long we wait - and also perfecting the act of channeling desperation through one's eyes (it works!)
- Learning Estonian. Silver is a really good teacher, and we had so much time to learn that up till now I already know two Estonian songs (one by heart, and one in principle because I know the tune and have the lyrics written down), how to count from one to 999, how to ask the price of mash potatoes (and a variety of other vegetables), to say happy birthday, and of course the obligatory bad word, the textbook conversation of "How are you?" "I am fine, and you?" and a variety of other useful stuff. I don't think I learnt anything useless this time haha!
- Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Had so much fun dancing and found some music that I think I can drown happily in, it was really good and really worth the trip. Saw the Estonian president who was casually taking a picture with a band (wtf like that also can - it was so casual that it was hilarious) and there were like 5 Asian people out of maybe 20,000 people who were there, I got so excited when I saw them! And Silver and I went for a boating competition which ended up quite disastrously, we even rented a boat and practised the day before the race, but we didn't expect that one had to row blindfolded while the other had to direct! So Silver rowed and I directed and we ended up going towards an entirely wrong direction while all the people on the pier were pointing and laughing haha. I think we had the worst record, we were rowing with Kerttu and Martin, and they finished with less than half of what we took. But it was really good fun!
- Chilling out with Silver and Ester in Tallinn in their apartment, listening to music and eating blueberries with ice-cream and watching a documentary about Estonian history and how the Estonian people fought to get independence, forming a human chain that was so long that it spanned across Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania, and also by demonstration through singing... it was a very touching movie.
- Estonian swings. 'Nuff said.
- Harvesting peas in Silver's country home
I think my experience in Estonia has taught me so much about life, of how one should live - to stay in Silver's country home and now in Anna's place, where they grow their own stuff and build their own houses and process their own waste, I realized that in being a city kid as I am, I am so detached from all the fundamentals, where everything is as easy as a snap of fingers, and you don't think about where your food comes from, how to make a comfortable and practical home, etc. etc... And while camping, it really makes you realize how precious resources like clean drinking water is, and how little you can actually use, instead of a gushing water tap that comes from places that are so far away that you don't care. And showers are such a luxury!
All in all - I learnt so much, I have only got a glimpse of all the knowledge of living that I don't possess, I really want to stay and learn some more but the current of travelling is pulling me away and I have to go soon... and I am so glad that I hosted Silver and made such a great friend and hence such a wonderful experience in Estonia. Speaking of which I should wake them up somehow so we can have breakfast and leave quite soon to catch my ferry.
-12: After the storm.
Gosh. I just spent half an hour writing an angry blog post and deleted everything in the end. Sometimes I write blog posts or emails with the tentative intention to publish or send them, and half-way through I realize that I don't feel it anymore and the moment has passed, that is when I wipe the slate clean and put my emotions away. It cleanses the toxic atmosphere in my head. The intense expression that is manifested through sharp, violent assaults on the keyboard, the subsequent reading and re-reading through the fiery words that I spewed uncontrollably at the height of my fury, and the final click of the "x" of the window. Goodbye and good riddance. My life is mine and mine to control, and no one can make me feel like crap if I don't let them. And I won't let them.
-48: Existential Crisis
2:12am and I'm wide awake.
Sometimes I wonder, if you know that a path leads to a dead end, would you still walk down it? Travelling is about the process and not the destination right? Why worry about the dead end when you can walk down the path, admiring the flowers and the trees and the view of the lake on the way?
Given that the human life is finite and very short and we are most certainly going to die, why do we even bother to live it still? For people living their lives with passion and with joy, with innocence and conviction, they don't worry about stuff like this right? They're too busy living in the moment to worry about what happens after the moment. And if you look at it in a different point of view, it is precisely mortality that should actually fuel us to grab every opportunity to make it count.
So why am I unable to discard my sceptical mind and annoying need to know, and just dive into life as it is, without having to analyze everything that comes along the way? If life, enshrouded in mysterious mist, is more beautiful than life overexposed under harsh lighting, wouldn't it be better to experience it this way? But then - is it true beauty when you can't even see it clearly? But then again, what is beauty? Given that I am the boss of my reality, wouldn't I be the one to define beauty as it is to me?
Perhaps beauty is the simple truth. The simple truth that we are going to die, yes, but there is no use striding up and down a corridor within a house, knowing that the road from the door leads to a dead end, but still, the only way to really know, is to walk down that road. To recognize the futility of trying to lift the mist and still try. To live and love and laugh, all the way down the path, and while the dead end would still present itself as a devastating disappointment, to still have the courage to make that leap.
Is that my answer?
Sometimes I wonder, if you know that a path leads to a dead end, would you still walk down it? Travelling is about the process and not the destination right? Why worry about the dead end when you can walk down the path, admiring the flowers and the trees and the view of the lake on the way?
Given that the human life is finite and very short and we are most certainly going to die, why do we even bother to live it still? For people living their lives with passion and with joy, with innocence and conviction, they don't worry about stuff like this right? They're too busy living in the moment to worry about what happens after the moment. And if you look at it in a different point of view, it is precisely mortality that should actually fuel us to grab every opportunity to make it count.
So why am I unable to discard my sceptical mind and annoying need to know, and just dive into life as it is, without having to analyze everything that comes along the way? If life, enshrouded in mysterious mist, is more beautiful than life overexposed under harsh lighting, wouldn't it be better to experience it this way? But then - is it true beauty when you can't even see it clearly? But then again, what is beauty? Given that I am the boss of my reality, wouldn't I be the one to define beauty as it is to me?
Perhaps beauty is the simple truth. The simple truth that we are going to die, yes, but there is no use striding up and down a corridor within a house, knowing that the road from the door leads to a dead end, but still, the only way to really know, is to walk down that road. To recognize the futility of trying to lift the mist and still try. To live and love and laugh, all the way down the path, and while the dead end would still present itself as a devastating disappointment, to still have the courage to make that leap.
Is that my answer?
-56:
Oh my god there's some kind of carnival going on in a temple a block away and I can hear the whole karaoke and annoying MC with a piercing voice. From 9 floors up TMD. It's almost 11 now and I feel like clubbing people with microphones. By that I actually mean I would like to club anyone who is holding a microphone with a microphone.
I finished my World of Warcraft 10-hour session today. Yes it has awakened the violence in me. Against my will I clubbed peace-loving Plainstriders, and later other increasingly aggressive creatures, and my newfound bloodthirstiness made me kill an innocent prairie dog just because I could. It probably had prairie puppies waiting for food back home. I am a horrible person.
MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God they can't be serious. The wailing! The melodramatic vibration at the high notes! The ridiculously outdated songs! This is so bad, it is almost surreal. I refuse to believe that there are actually people in the audience, enduring the auditory torture. I mean, how could people not want to kill themselves, if not the people on stage? I just thought of a bad Jewish joke that probably only Val can appreciate. I miss Val. In fact I miss many people. But I can't be sentimental now, with the murderous mood still running in the background.
Hmm. I think the music has stopped. I can be sentimental after all.
OK firstly Asa I got your email... I'm glad about the new developments and all but I'm also pretty sad that you're not going to be in KL anymore... I know I know, it doesn't make a diff because I'm in Singapore anyway but that just makes it even sadder I guess. But at least you'll have LL there with you. And I suppose it's a better career prospect. T_T I will try to make it back before I go to Europe...
And other stuff. Other emails that I want to reply, but I'm never in the right frame of mind to, you know? I'm either depressed about work, or busy with extracurricular activities, or just trying to clear my head. The funny thing is that most of the people that I really want to see, are not in Singapore. I'm tired of all the emails, I want face time man. But I know very well that I am not going to get face time, and slowly but surely, I won't be able to keep up with all my contacts and they will slowly fade away... - isn't that the saddest thing? Like a piece of fine painting that, over time, loses its vivid colour, and all that's left is yesterday's memories and today's awkward silences.
Whoa damn emo. I blame it on the stupid singing. Well at least I blogged a long one today. Need to take a shower and go to bed to prepare for a new day tomorrow.
I finished my World of Warcraft 10-hour session today. Yes it has awakened the violence in me. Against my will I clubbed peace-loving Plainstriders, and later other increasingly aggressive creatures, and my newfound bloodthirstiness made me kill an innocent prairie dog just because I could. It probably had prairie puppies waiting for food back home. I am a horrible person.
MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God they can't be serious. The wailing! The melodramatic vibration at the high notes! The ridiculously outdated songs! This is so bad, it is almost surreal. I refuse to believe that there are actually people in the audience, enduring the auditory torture. I mean, how could people not want to kill themselves, if not the people on stage? I just thought of a bad Jewish joke that probably only Val can appreciate. I miss Val. In fact I miss many people. But I can't be sentimental now, with the murderous mood still running in the background.
Hmm. I think the music has stopped. I can be sentimental after all.
OK firstly Asa I got your email... I'm glad about the new developments and all but I'm also pretty sad that you're not going to be in KL anymore... I know I know, it doesn't make a diff because I'm in Singapore anyway but that just makes it even sadder I guess. But at least you'll have LL there with you. And I suppose it's a better career prospect. T_T I will try to make it back before I go to Europe...
And other stuff. Other emails that I want to reply, but I'm never in the right frame of mind to, you know? I'm either depressed about work, or busy with extracurricular activities, or just trying to clear my head. The funny thing is that most of the people that I really want to see, are not in Singapore. I'm tired of all the emails, I want face time man. But I know very well that I am not going to get face time, and slowly but surely, I won't be able to keep up with all my contacts and they will slowly fade away... - isn't that the saddest thing? Like a piece of fine painting that, over time, loses its vivid colour, and all that's left is yesterday's memories and today's awkward silences.
Whoa damn emo. I blame it on the stupid singing. Well at least I blogged a long one today. Need to take a shower and go to bed to prepare for a new day tomorrow.
-59: Expression.
I could run on the grass and create crop circles. I could dance and disrupt the air patterns around me. I could trail my fingers through a pool of calm water. I could bounce on a trampoline, I could pull a trigger, I could kiss passionately. And I wouldn't need words.
-62: The world gone wrong.
I've been reading the news and there've been so much bad news that it's depressing. I'm not talking about the Malaysian front - I've been much happier since I've given up reading about Malaysian politics. But looking all around, there's the Iceland volcanic ash closing down most airports in Europe (Linda who was supposed to leave on Saturday, has been stranded at my place till today) causing indefinite suspension on everything air-travel related, earthquake in China killing more than 1700 people, political unrest in Thailand paralyzing the local economy and causing bloodshed, plane tragedy killing Polish leaders -
I need to get back to work but I just can't shake off this feeling of gloom, of intense suffering and sadness going on around the world, while I sit at my little desk and bury my head into academic literature, having no direct consequence of making a difference in this mad world.
I need to get back to work but I just can't shake off this feeling of gloom, of intense suffering and sadness going on around the world, while I sit at my little desk and bury my head into academic literature, having no direct consequence of making a difference in this mad world.
I'm not drunk, I just walk funny.
I'm not blogging, I'm just typing in a text area.
My eyes are heavy but I need to type. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who would understand what I'm thinking, what I'm saying, what I'm doing. I'm sure there is someone out there. I am interesting. I won't bore you. Can I talk to you?
It is amazing what kind of situations your brain sometimes lead you to. In moments of clarity - or moments of drunkenness, take your extreme pick, it suddenly dawns onto you that it is you who is creating all the mess in your head. The chorus of generalized others, all saying things to you, trying to sway your opinion, trying to tell you what's good for you. Well shut the fuck up my head. Just shut the fuck up.
If you think about it things could be so easy. You could take a plunge. You could take a time machine, from twenty years later, back to the present, when you would actually do stuff that you're deathly afraid of, so that you wouldn't regret it twenty years later. Isn't that the most intriguing idea? To live in the present, by imagining that you are travelling back to the past, from the future? Do you understand what I mean?
I'm not sleepy, I'm just resting my eyes.
//Second morning. I actually fell asleep right after I typed the above line.
Val's not a good influence for me I'm afraid. For most of his stay in Singapore he was down with diarrhoea and upon recovery two days ago we have already got drunk twice. Gone are the days when he would decline alcohol (Marten: If I had a beer on me right now, would you take it? Val: No! - well, not anymore).
We spent the day yesterday in Little India, first having Indian food and then hanging out at Post Museum, which has fast become one of my favourite hangouts in Singapore. It's a vegetarian cafe and the people there are super friendly. It's one of the few places in Singapore, where you can sit down and talk to random people. That you can actually feel that people going to the place are human, not humanoids. They're hosting the Really Really Free Market next weekend (where goods and services are offered for free, bring your stuff to give away if you want) and I'm volunteering there.
So Val and I hung out for like 5 hours there, plotting my Europe route. It is definitely shaping up, just that I need to smoothen things out in uni. Once everything is settled I can buy my tickets and my Epic Trip of The Year would be sorted out. Val drew a map of Europe on the back of some newspapers (which is distributed in the Post Museum, called "Good Paper" and it only reports good news. Sweet as.), and we started fantasizing about the things that I'll be doing there.
Day trip from Hamburg to Sylt, one of Val's favourite places in Germany. Going to the Isle of Arran, that a drunken Scottish teacher in a pub in New Zealand had repeatedly mentioned that I have to. (Remember the Isle of Arrrran!!) Hiking in Switzerland. Meeting Silver in Estonia and checking out the Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Taking a train from Rome to Switzerland along a scenic route. Taking the train that goes under the sea from Paris to London. Hanging out with Marten in Gothenburg, and Robert in either Holland or Ireland, depending on where he'll be. Prague, Krakow, Riga. And then some.
Not in that order. And we have no idea if our route is feasible, budget-wise. But still -
*grins in an idiotic fashion*
Well, the floor is open to any of you who want to recommend a must-see place anywhere in Europe, anywhere you like, from the touristy to the obscure. I enjoy culture and nature so this trip will probably be a combination of both.
I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 10am, our stipulated weekend wake up time, upon which we'll agree on some random activity and end up whiling our time away in a cafe and drinking beer on some padang. Star-gazing on top of the ADM building at night optional.
My eyes are heavy but I need to type. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who would understand what I'm thinking, what I'm saying, what I'm doing. I'm sure there is someone out there. I am interesting. I won't bore you. Can I talk to you?
It is amazing what kind of situations your brain sometimes lead you to. In moments of clarity - or moments of drunkenness, take your extreme pick, it suddenly dawns onto you that it is you who is creating all the mess in your head. The chorus of generalized others, all saying things to you, trying to sway your opinion, trying to tell you what's good for you. Well shut the fuck up my head. Just shut the fuck up.
If you think about it things could be so easy. You could take a plunge. You could take a time machine, from twenty years later, back to the present, when you would actually do stuff that you're deathly afraid of, so that you wouldn't regret it twenty years later. Isn't that the most intriguing idea? To live in the present, by imagining that you are travelling back to the past, from the future? Do you understand what I mean?
I'm not sleepy, I'm just resting my eyes.
//Second morning. I actually fell asleep right after I typed the above line.
Val's not a good influence for me I'm afraid. For most of his stay in Singapore he was down with diarrhoea and upon recovery two days ago we have already got drunk twice. Gone are the days when he would decline alcohol (Marten: If I had a beer on me right now, would you take it? Val: No! - well, not anymore).
We spent the day yesterday in Little India, first having Indian food and then hanging out at Post Museum, which has fast become one of my favourite hangouts in Singapore. It's a vegetarian cafe and the people there are super friendly. It's one of the few places in Singapore, where you can sit down and talk to random people. That you can actually feel that people going to the place are human, not humanoids. They're hosting the Really Really Free Market next weekend (where goods and services are offered for free, bring your stuff to give away if you want) and I'm volunteering there.
So Val and I hung out for like 5 hours there, plotting my Europe route. It is definitely shaping up, just that I need to smoothen things out in uni. Once everything is settled I can buy my tickets and my Epic Trip of The Year would be sorted out. Val drew a map of Europe on the back of some newspapers (which is distributed in the Post Museum, called "Good Paper" and it only reports good news. Sweet as.), and we started fantasizing about the things that I'll be doing there.
Day trip from Hamburg to Sylt, one of Val's favourite places in Germany. Going to the Isle of Arran, that a drunken Scottish teacher in a pub in New Zealand had repeatedly mentioned that I have to. (Remember the Isle of Arrrran!!) Hiking in Switzerland. Meeting Silver in Estonia and checking out the Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Taking a train from Rome to Switzerland along a scenic route. Taking the train that goes under the sea from Paris to London. Hanging out with Marten in Gothenburg, and Robert in either Holland or Ireland, depending on where he'll be. Prague, Krakow, Riga. And then some.
Not in that order. And we have no idea if our route is feasible, budget-wise. But still -
*grins in an idiotic fashion*
Well, the floor is open to any of you who want to recommend a must-see place anywhere in Europe, anywhere you like, from the touristy to the obscure. I enjoy culture and nature so this trip will probably be a combination of both.
I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 10am, our stipulated weekend wake up time, upon which we'll agree on some random activity and end up whiling our time away in a cafe and drinking beer on some padang. Star-gazing on top of the ADM building at night optional.
Mead will be the death of me.
I ingested 50 pages of George Herbert Mead's Mind, Self and Society today and was totally numbed by the end of the day. If anyone's interested to know I still have 150 pages to go. I don't think I'll be able to make it by Friday. I'll just have to fake it. The problem is, Friday's class has a student population of 2. I. Am. So. Screwed.
Being completely numbed I walked home at a very slow pace tonight. While my mind wandered as my feet trudged along, I reflected on how amazingly predictable life is, given that it is so easy for anyone to act unpredictably. While jaywalking I could have just stopped right in the middle of the road, turned around and faced the traffic. It could have meant my death and life-long trauma for the bus driver. Why does no one do that? It's so easy. Just walk, turn around, and stare at the headlights.
I am not suicidal. I just harbour strange thoughts sometimes.
I reached home and slumped on the couch. Turned on the TV and stared at it with my glassy eyes. Slowly life trickled back and I could feel again.
That's not gonna last though. After watching Glee I'll have to go back to reading. You know I enjoy reading. I enjoy learning. I love being offered a slice of what it's like being in the head of a genius. I just wish I wasn't always so last minute about my reading and that he didn't speak funny. Let me show you a small paragraph of what I am supposed to digest and I still can't fully grasp it, even after reading through more than five times.
Notice that there are only two periods in the entire paragraph of 147 words. And then, after about 3 pages, he starts to take back what he just said. I think. I mean I'm not even sure if that was what he meant. Did he take it back, or did he modify the concept, or did he order beer in German?
Deep intake of air is necessary at this moment.
I just realized that I don't understand the material. And I don't have time for this. This is only a class that I'm auditing. I have to continue writing my lit review for the confirmation report which is supposed to be my highest priority at the moment. I have to get a pair of new hiking shoes tomorrow after I completely thrashed mine at the Black Rock Desert. I have some other errands to run by the end of the week. I am leaving on Sunday to Kuching. I'm really looking forward to it, to Val, but I -
Sigh. I have to go now.
Being completely numbed I walked home at a very slow pace tonight. While my mind wandered as my feet trudged along, I reflected on how amazingly predictable life is, given that it is so easy for anyone to act unpredictably. While jaywalking I could have just stopped right in the middle of the road, turned around and faced the traffic. It could have meant my death and life-long trauma for the bus driver. Why does no one do that? It's so easy. Just walk, turn around, and stare at the headlights.
I am not suicidal. I just harbour strange thoughts sometimes.
I reached home and slumped on the couch. Turned on the TV and stared at it with my glassy eyes. Slowly life trickled back and I could feel again.
That's not gonna last though. After watching Glee I'll have to go back to reading. You know I enjoy reading. I enjoy learning. I love being offered a slice of what it's like being in the head of a genius. I just wish I wasn't always so last minute about my reading and that he didn't speak funny. Let me show you a small paragraph of what I am supposed to digest and I still can't fully grasp it, even after reading through more than five times.
"Gestures become significant symbols when they implicitly arouse in an individual making them the same responses which they explicitly arouse, or are supposed to arouse, in other individuals, the individuals to whom they are addressed; and in all conversations of gestures within the social process, whether external (between different individuals) or internal (between a given individual and himself), the individual's consciousness of the content and flow of meaning involved depends on his thus taking the attitude of the other toward his own gestures. In this way every gesture comes within a given social group or community to stand for a particular act or response, namely, the act or response which it calls forth explicitly in the individual to whom it is addressed, and implicitly in the individual who makes it; and this particular act or response for which it stands is its meaning as a significant symbol."
Notice that there are only two periods in the entire paragraph of 147 words. And then, after about 3 pages, he starts to take back what he just said. I think. I mean I'm not even sure if that was what he meant. Did he take it back, or did he modify the concept, or did he order beer in German?
Deep intake of air is necessary at this moment.
I just realized that I don't understand the material. And I don't have time for this. This is only a class that I'm auditing. I have to continue writing my lit review for the confirmation report which is supposed to be my highest priority at the moment. I have to get a pair of new hiking shoes tomorrow after I completely thrashed mine at the Black Rock Desert. I have some other errands to run by the end of the week. I am leaving on Sunday to Kuching. I'm really looking forward to it, to Val, but I -
Sigh. I have to go now.
The Barney Jigsaw
Leaving the office in half an hour to meet Jia Ling for dinner tonight.
It's been a busy day. I sat down this morning, had a sudden gush of inspiration and completed a two-page writeup on what I actually want to do. What I want to accomplish with my research, the questions that I want to ask, and the conceptual lenses that I want to use in framing and answering those questions. Basically I was addressing the pain in my butt (non-dragonboat-related) that was bothering me for the past six months, and I finished it in two hours. Actually, less than two, if you discount the intervals that I spent in reading XKCD, which has become an obsession of late.
So it's down. I am cautiously happy with it. If everybody's happy with what I've got, I can move into the next stage of actually writing my report.
If you want to know how it feels, get the type of jigsaw puzzle that does not come with an image of what your outcome is. You have all these pieces in front of you, the different shades of blue that you suppose is either a brilliant sky, a rough sea, a huge blue eye or Barney who fell into blue paint (the possibilities are endless) but you have no idea what you're actually building.
Now let me tweak the analogy a little. The puzzle picture that you have - it can be anything. It can be anything you want it to be, as long as you can make the pieces fit together seamlessly. There is no one true answer, there is no one Barney, you can make a whole army of Barneys if you want to. They can even be purple. As long as they fit and they don't look out of place. Then it's okay.
Except that, to piss you off and make your life even more miserable than it already is, you start off with no puzzle pieces. It's a puzzle piece scavenger hunt, with no specific instructions on what you're hunting for. They're scattered everywhere. It depends on your luck and imagination and aptitude to find the pieces and make sense of them. Sometimes you meet someone in the woods and he/she happen to be knowledgeable in the type of image you're interested in building. He/she points you some directions. Of course it might not be what you want. Sometimes you are led on a wild goose chase. Then you see puzzle pieces along the way and pick them up anyway. Maybe they'll be useful in the future, you reassure yourself, patting the ever-growing sack of puzzle pieces behind your back.
My supervisor once told me, that the dissertation is only the tip of the iceberg of all the work that has been done to produce it. Beneath the cold waters is an entire mass of ice, the remaining 90% that no one gets to see. The rest of the puzzle pieces that get tossed back into the sack, that you lugged around the woods for the best years of your life, will never see the light of the day.
It is beautifully depressing.
Anyway, enough analogies and traipsing around woods and icebergs and such - I need to get going. I didn't even get to the rest of my busy day. Cheers guys.
It's been a busy day. I sat down this morning, had a sudden gush of inspiration and completed a two-page writeup on what I actually want to do. What I want to accomplish with my research, the questions that I want to ask, and the conceptual lenses that I want to use in framing and answering those questions. Basically I was addressing the pain in my butt (non-dragonboat-related) that was bothering me for the past six months, and I finished it in two hours. Actually, less than two, if you discount the intervals that I spent in reading XKCD, which has become an obsession of late.
So it's down. I am cautiously happy with it. If everybody's happy with what I've got, I can move into the next stage of actually writing my report.
If you want to know how it feels, get the type of jigsaw puzzle that does not come with an image of what your outcome is. You have all these pieces in front of you, the different shades of blue that you suppose is either a brilliant sky, a rough sea, a huge blue eye or Barney who fell into blue paint (the possibilities are endless) but you have no idea what you're actually building.
Now let me tweak the analogy a little. The puzzle picture that you have - it can be anything. It can be anything you want it to be, as long as you can make the pieces fit together seamlessly. There is no one true answer, there is no one Barney, you can make a whole army of Barneys if you want to. They can even be purple. As long as they fit and they don't look out of place. Then it's okay.
Except that, to piss you off and make your life even more miserable than it already is, you start off with no puzzle pieces. It's a puzzle piece scavenger hunt, with no specific instructions on what you're hunting for. They're scattered everywhere. It depends on your luck and imagination and aptitude to find the pieces and make sense of them. Sometimes you meet someone in the woods and he/she happen to be knowledgeable in the type of image you're interested in building. He/she points you some directions. Of course it might not be what you want. Sometimes you are led on a wild goose chase. Then you see puzzle pieces along the way and pick them up anyway. Maybe they'll be useful in the future, you reassure yourself, patting the ever-growing sack of puzzle pieces behind your back.
My supervisor once told me, that the dissertation is only the tip of the iceberg of all the work that has been done to produce it. Beneath the cold waters is an entire mass of ice, the remaining 90% that no one gets to see. The rest of the puzzle pieces that get tossed back into the sack, that you lugged around the woods for the best years of your life, will never see the light of the day.
It is beautifully depressing.
Anyway, enough analogies and traipsing around woods and icebergs and such - I need to get going. I didn't even get to the rest of my busy day. Cheers guys.
One of those days.
Have you ever had days when you were so busy that your workload was literally bursting out of the seams of the bag that you put your workload in but you were too unfocused and lost that you didn't know what to do and you just wandered around watching youtube singing to Jon Lajoie songs which are awesome by the way and then you wondered if you should take a nap but somehow you were too pumped up to and there's a class that you had to go to in an hour anyway and you hadn't had lunch yet and
and now you're back from class and just got an ingenious idea to utilize modern technology to lessen your TA workload and hence are kind of smug but still the question remains that you don't have a question to ask for your research and therefore cannot hope to find an answer and time is trickling away while you are blogging absently wondering what else you can do to procrastinate further from doing actual work...?
I'm sure you have. That's what I'm talking about.
and now you're back from class and just got an ingenious idea to utilize modern technology to lessen your TA workload and hence are kind of smug but still the question remains that you don't have a question to ask for your research and therefore cannot hope to find an answer and time is trickling away while you are blogging absently wondering what else you can do to procrastinate further from doing actual work...?
I'm sure you have. That's what I'm talking about.
Blogging in bed on a Sunday morning
Housemate David did his once-in-a-blue-moon mail check yesterday, and instead of a bunch of bills I got a bunch of bills, PLUS Kasia's mail! The sweet girl sent me a CD of our pictures from the hiking trip in the States, and even printed out some of the pictures.
The sense of yearning within me... it is a feeling of intense longing, to a realm that I can almost sense, just almost. The careless laughter, the outstretched arms against a backdrop of breathtaking landscape, the heat of the sun against the back of my neck, the joy of being right there, right then! But now it is unattainable, and all we have are pictures to look back at, to have nostalgic reminiscences of. The beauty of the moment is sealed, there is no way to go back. The only thing to do is to seize every moment of life, to create more and more of these memories, for that is the only thing we can do.
So here are some pictures captured by the beautiful Kasia, whose photographic skills far surpass that of mine.
Kasia =) hugs
Micah with Bryce National Park. This is one of my favourite pictures, because it captures the vastness and majesty of Bryce. Bryce National Park was one place where I couldn't stop sighing with happiness, because every view, every different angle, was equally beautiful.
An natural arch in the Arches National Park. Notice the tiny specks we call human for scale.
Me, and the waters of Colorado River.
This is Lake Powell, a reservoir on the Colorado River. We swam in the lake, where a native Indian (who looks like a Maori) hit on me, and Kasia almost got swept away by big waves created by a running motorboat.
The Grand Canyon... and I still maintain that you can't fully appreciate its grandness without hiking to the base, not even if you do. I hope to go back someday, and do another trail. Maybe in the winter.
Here's me taking pictures of cacti on the way to Plateau Point at the Grand Canyon, to prove that it is desert conditions that we are talking about. After hiking to the mid point from the base with Kasia, Micah, Vanessa and Michel(e), Kasia and I separated from the rest to take a detour to Plateau Point where we got drunk with nature and even have a video to prove how high we were. Best detour ever.
Me and Kasia finishing the hike from the base of the Grand Canyon. Finally!
Hermit's Rest, the furthest end of Grand Canyon National Park where the shuttle bus can take you. We chased the sun that morning - we woke up at 4 and missed two buses and finally ended up watching the sunrise at the "wrong" place. Fond memories of jogging around the bus stop because it was so cold, exchanging massages to assuage the muscle pains of the crazy hike the day before, and this weird Asian (think he was Japanese?) guy who took our picture at the Hermit's Rest (you can see his shadow) and his request of taking a picture with Vanessa, the girl in pink.
The bus from the back. I was writing in my travel journal that time. The bus accommodates 35 people, but we only had 17, so it wasn't cramped at all. That's Michel(e) from Italy looking towards the camera, his name is Michel but after Vanessa started calling him Michele we all followed suit, much to his annoyance because that sounded like a girl's name.
=)
Great times. Wanderlust is like an addiction - the more I get, the more I can't get enough of. I need to run, to be free, to embrace life with the company of people who, like me, can't get enough of it. Too often I meet people who are just so jaded and so complacent with what they have. They don't hate their lives but they don't like it much either. So day after day they wake up, work, go to bed... and before they know it, the best years of their lives are over, and they wish they'd done this or that, and didn't put it off till later, when they had more time, when they were richer, when they had enough of courage to take the step.
I say, fuck it all, it's my life and I will live it the way I want it. I'm thankful for what I have, and I'm vigilant of opportunities that cross my path, so when I see them I can reach out for them. Whether I get them or not is another matter. At least I tried.
In other unrelated news, I finally had formal training for dragonboating yesterday because they had a boat full of newbies. It feels great to finally know what you're doing, and what exactly you're supposed to do! I wish I had more time to go for practice, they have it three times a week but I can only do once. Body's hurting like a bitch but it feels really good =)
OK need to go cook lunch, my Brazilian couchsurfer is arriving in 2 hours. Another one from Indonesia arriving tonight around 9. Strangers are (Val can chant with me) friends you've not met yet! And sharing, is caring!
The sense of yearning within me... it is a feeling of intense longing, to a realm that I can almost sense, just almost. The careless laughter, the outstretched arms against a backdrop of breathtaking landscape, the heat of the sun against the back of my neck, the joy of being right there, right then! But now it is unattainable, and all we have are pictures to look back at, to have nostalgic reminiscences of. The beauty of the moment is sealed, there is no way to go back. The only thing to do is to seize every moment of life, to create more and more of these memories, for that is the only thing we can do.
So here are some pictures captured by the beautiful Kasia, whose photographic skills far surpass that of mine.
Kasia =) hugs
Micah with Bryce National Park. This is one of my favourite pictures, because it captures the vastness and majesty of Bryce. Bryce National Park was one place where I couldn't stop sighing with happiness, because every view, every different angle, was equally beautiful.
An natural arch in the Arches National Park. Notice the tiny specks we call human for scale.
Me, and the waters of Colorado River.
This is Lake Powell, a reservoir on the Colorado River. We swam in the lake, where a native Indian (who looks like a Maori) hit on me, and Kasia almost got swept away by big waves created by a running motorboat.
The Grand Canyon... and I still maintain that you can't fully appreciate its grandness without hiking to the base, not even if you do. I hope to go back someday, and do another trail. Maybe in the winter.
Here's me taking pictures of cacti on the way to Plateau Point at the Grand Canyon, to prove that it is desert conditions that we are talking about. After hiking to the mid point from the base with Kasia, Micah, Vanessa and Michel(e), Kasia and I separated from the rest to take a detour to Plateau Point where we got drunk with nature and even have a video to prove how high we were. Best detour ever.
Me and Kasia finishing the hike from the base of the Grand Canyon. Finally!
Hermit's Rest, the furthest end of Grand Canyon National Park where the shuttle bus can take you. We chased the sun that morning - we woke up at 4 and missed two buses and finally ended up watching the sunrise at the "wrong" place. Fond memories of jogging around the bus stop because it was so cold, exchanging massages to assuage the muscle pains of the crazy hike the day before, and this weird Asian (think he was Japanese?) guy who took our picture at the Hermit's Rest (you can see his shadow) and his request of taking a picture with Vanessa, the girl in pink.
The bus from the back. I was writing in my travel journal that time. The bus accommodates 35 people, but we only had 17, so it wasn't cramped at all. That's Michel(e) from Italy looking towards the camera, his name is Michel but after Vanessa started calling him Michele we all followed suit, much to his annoyance because that sounded like a girl's name.=)
Great times. Wanderlust is like an addiction - the more I get, the more I can't get enough of. I need to run, to be free, to embrace life with the company of people who, like me, can't get enough of it. Too often I meet people who are just so jaded and so complacent with what they have. They don't hate their lives but they don't like it much either. So day after day they wake up, work, go to bed... and before they know it, the best years of their lives are over, and they wish they'd done this or that, and didn't put it off till later, when they had more time, when they were richer, when they had enough of courage to take the step.
I say, fuck it all, it's my life and I will live it the way I want it. I'm thankful for what I have, and I'm vigilant of opportunities that cross my path, so when I see them I can reach out for them. Whether I get them or not is another matter. At least I tried.
In other unrelated news, I finally had formal training for dragonboating yesterday because they had a boat full of newbies. It feels great to finally know what you're doing, and what exactly you're supposed to do! I wish I had more time to go for practice, they have it three times a week but I can only do once. Body's hurting like a bitch but it feels really good =)
OK need to go cook lunch, my Brazilian couchsurfer is arriving in 2 hours. Another one from Indonesia arriving tonight around 9. Strangers are (Val can chant with me) friends you've not met yet! And sharing, is caring!
Dear dear Val,
Typing this as I am watching a drama series with my sister, right now we're waiting for it to load a little =)
Things have become much better since we last spoke, I hope that your migraine did not give you too much trouble. Headaches are no fun =( Was it the type that you got when you were in New Zealand, where you saw dark spots and stuff?
Well things have become better, largely because I bought a book about spirituality and am currently reading it. I feel that suddenly things have become so much clearer, I feel so much more at peace with myself, and it's a good preparation for me to approach my new bosses to explain my position and to figure out a solution that will work for me and for them.
The title of the book is "Conversations with God" - and I can see your eyes rolling right there, haha! Well firstly it's not bound within any religion, it does not endorse any religion, not Christianity, not Buddhism, not anything. As I had suspected long ago, it is possible to be spiritual without being religious (in a bigoted, exclusive sense) - and I feel that this book supports my beliefs that there can be a direct relationship between me and a supreme being (I hesitate to use the word God really, it just seems that some religions have caused so many non-believers to stigmatize the word), without any major religion being the middle man.
I don't really know how to explain my thoughts, they are very clear but they are also very complex, suddenly what I've been doing so far makes a lot of sense, and it's a relief to know that all my principles and way of life fit into a spiritual framework. I think I like the God in the book, he seems like a really cool bloke, and he supports everything that I've been doing, because he says that the purpose of our life is to rediscover experientially what we already know conceptually (i.e. your conscience, your sense of morality, the voice within you that tells you what is right and wrong, because your soul KNOWS)... and that aligns directly with my philosophy of life, which is "every experience is a learning experience".
In this book we are encouraged to be creative, to create the reality that we want, and have faith that things will turn out - and turns out that faith is the thing that I've been lacking, therefore I feel fear and confusion and chaos. And no thanks to all the messed up interpretations of religions which only can succeed in pushing us further and further away from a spiritual core, which I personally would like to have, but who can convince me to pray to an omnipotent, vindictive and fear-inducing God who only rewards those who think the same way that some religious leaders do?
It is when religion shuts your mind that it is dangerous. When religion opens your mind, encourages you to explore, encourages you to question everything (even God) and learn from every experience, but have faith that everything happens for the purpose of your discovering your true self and your purpose of life - that, I feel, is a religion that I can subscribe to. And it feels like, from how I was literally nodding to some lines in the book, it is indeed the religion that I have subscribed to so far, without even knowing it, and that itself is amazing.
I hope that I'm not sounding like an overzealous religious fanatic at this point, but trust me when I say that I feel that I am much more enlightened now than I was, a couple of days ago, when I talked to you. The uncertainty was engulfing me and I felt helpless - but now I feel that everything will be fine, I will have some earnest talks with my new bosses and explain to them the importance of travelling is to me and to my personal growth, and hope that they will understand and support me. If they don't, or if what I'm asking is in conflict with their professionalism, well, the next hope is that they will be cool enough not to obstruct me; but if they do, I will only be more determined to draw upon my creativity to blast the path to Europe.
This will be an interesting experiment, to see if I will get to Europe this summer, if I do believe wholeheartedly in what I'm doing and go all out in achieving it. If at the end I still fail, I will not be disheartened because I'd have learnt a whole lot anyway (of what you should not do in order to get to Europe =D), and I know that I will keep striving for it until I get it, maybe by the year after.
The book, titled "Conversations with God", is written by Neale Donald Walsch, and is a three-part series. Silver had told me about it in Singapore, and since I chanced upon the series the other day when I was wandering around a bookshop in KL I bought them. I am still reading Part One. I am still nodding (in agreement) to it. It is the most moving book of its genre that I have read so far, and that's not really saying very much because I don't really read books on religion and spirituality =P But it's good. If you come across it in any book stores in Germany I highly recommend that you give it a try.
I suddenly feel that I should put this on my blog. I wanted to blog about it but words wouldn't come out, but somehow it became so much easier when I was writing this email and speaking to you. So I will =) and I'll send you another reply on your last reply to me soon.
Big hugs and love,
Jun-E
Things have become much better since we last spoke, I hope that your migraine did not give you too much trouble. Headaches are no fun =( Was it the type that you got when you were in New Zealand, where you saw dark spots and stuff?
Well things have become better, largely because I bought a book about spirituality and am currently reading it. I feel that suddenly things have become so much clearer, I feel so much more at peace with myself, and it's a good preparation for me to approach my new bosses to explain my position and to figure out a solution that will work for me and for them.
The title of the book is "Conversations with God" - and I can see your eyes rolling right there, haha! Well firstly it's not bound within any religion, it does not endorse any religion, not Christianity, not Buddhism, not anything. As I had suspected long ago, it is possible to be spiritual without being religious (in a bigoted, exclusive sense) - and I feel that this book supports my beliefs that there can be a direct relationship between me and a supreme being (I hesitate to use the word God really, it just seems that some religions have caused so many non-believers to stigmatize the word), without any major religion being the middle man.
I don't really know how to explain my thoughts, they are very clear but they are also very complex, suddenly what I've been doing so far makes a lot of sense, and it's a relief to know that all my principles and way of life fit into a spiritual framework. I think I like the God in the book, he seems like a really cool bloke, and he supports everything that I've been doing, because he says that the purpose of our life is to rediscover experientially what we already know conceptually (i.e. your conscience, your sense of morality, the voice within you that tells you what is right and wrong, because your soul KNOWS)... and that aligns directly with my philosophy of life, which is "every experience is a learning experience".
In this book we are encouraged to be creative, to create the reality that we want, and have faith that things will turn out - and turns out that faith is the thing that I've been lacking, therefore I feel fear and confusion and chaos. And no thanks to all the messed up interpretations of religions which only can succeed in pushing us further and further away from a spiritual core, which I personally would like to have, but who can convince me to pray to an omnipotent, vindictive and fear-inducing God who only rewards those who think the same way that some religious leaders do?
It is when religion shuts your mind that it is dangerous. When religion opens your mind, encourages you to explore, encourages you to question everything (even God) and learn from every experience, but have faith that everything happens for the purpose of your discovering your true self and your purpose of life - that, I feel, is a religion that I can subscribe to. And it feels like, from how I was literally nodding to some lines in the book, it is indeed the religion that I have subscribed to so far, without even knowing it, and that itself is amazing.
I hope that I'm not sounding like an overzealous religious fanatic at this point, but trust me when I say that I feel that I am much more enlightened now than I was, a couple of days ago, when I talked to you. The uncertainty was engulfing me and I felt helpless - but now I feel that everything will be fine, I will have some earnest talks with my new bosses and explain to them the importance of travelling is to me and to my personal growth, and hope that they will understand and support me. If they don't, or if what I'm asking is in conflict with their professionalism, well, the next hope is that they will be cool enough not to obstruct me; but if they do, I will only be more determined to draw upon my creativity to blast the path to Europe.
This will be an interesting experiment, to see if I will get to Europe this summer, if I do believe wholeheartedly in what I'm doing and go all out in achieving it. If at the end I still fail, I will not be disheartened because I'd have learnt a whole lot anyway (of what you should not do in order to get to Europe =D), and I know that I will keep striving for it until I get it, maybe by the year after.
The book, titled "Conversations with God", is written by Neale Donald Walsch, and is a three-part series. Silver had told me about it in Singapore, and since I chanced upon the series the other day when I was wandering around a bookshop in KL I bought them. I am still reading Part One. I am still nodding (in agreement) to it. It is the most moving book of its genre that I have read so far, and that's not really saying very much because I don't really read books on religion and spirituality =P But it's good. If you come across it in any book stores in Germany I highly recommend that you give it a try.
I suddenly feel that I should put this on my blog. I wanted to blog about it but words wouldn't come out, but somehow it became so much easier when I was writing this email and speaking to you. So I will =) and I'll send you another reply on your last reply to me soon.
Big hugs and love,
Jun-E
Deeply unsettling news.
I foresee a dark cloud casting a shadow on some of my plans. It's nothing serious but I'm bummed and I am deeply uncertain about the situation right now, and I'm afraid, but I cannot do anything about it in the time being. Having a bad feeling about it. Dreaming up worst case scenarios. Trying to tell myself everything will be alright. But will it? Can we be sure? Can we be sure that this will not upturn my life, and negate everything I've worked for, and the sole motivation I have to live my current life?
If it pushes me to the brink to grasp for my freedom, and I reach out, only to lose my footing and plummet into the abyss of no return?
No one died. No one's dog died. I am not contemplating suicide. I am fine. Everything material around me is fine although my soul might get snuffed out in the near future if things don't work out. Reality caught me with my guard down. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get what I want.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Things will work out eventually. They always do.
If it pushes me to the brink to grasp for my freedom, and I reach out, only to lose my footing and plummet into the abyss of no return?
No one died. No one's dog died. I am not contemplating suicide. I am fine. Everything material around me is fine although my soul might get snuffed out in the near future if things don't work out. Reality caught me with my guard down. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get what I want.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Things will work out eventually. They always do.
If...
... I had woken up ten seconds earlier this morning, the fallen branch would have cracked my skull.
MIA
My apologies for not updating in a while. Along with my lost hand phone and my university barring MSN I disappeared from the virtual world for about a week. I liked it actually. Coupled with the fact that I had two Swiss CSers over, it was like travelling, in the sense that you're cut off from connections and you're hanging out with other travellers. Also, since I finished my paper earlier in the week I wasn't worrying about work that much which made the week relaxing. Therefore Monday blues struck hard today.
Things that I have learnt over the past week:
I think I'm tired and I need a break, and I'm really looking forward to going home next weekend. But before that I'll need to finish all the interview transcriptions - I have three now, about five hours of data to transcribe. Another two guys will be coming this week and I will have five interviews in total before I call it a day. With five interviews I will have enough of data in my hands to look at for the time being I guess.
I think I like ska. The happy beat is the only thing keeping me from going into a full-blown monday blues depression. Over the weekend I went to the city and caught two live swing bands with Yves, and yesterday after coming home he sat me down and ran me through some nice ska bands that he liked, and the philosophy of the working class behind the music, and the picture of the big black guy who played the bass with his teeth. I was intrigued, but we couldn't find any video of him doing it, Yves saw him do it live.
Well I should get to my first transcription - Tope from Nigeria. Also means that I need to turn off the happy ska music. Will leave you with "I lost my phone" from Open Season, a Swiss ska/rock steady/reggae band.
I lost my phone, lalalalalalalalala.
Things that I have learnt over the past week:
- that Suspicious Looking Men really exist (we saw one on the MRT - black baseball cap, big dark glasses, huge droopy fake-looking moustache, black bag)
- a brief history of ska and skinheads (not the neo-nazi kind)
- how to flip a crepe in a pan
- that you can eat a crepe twice fallen on the floor with no medical implications
- that Singapore's National Museum has an impressive collection of audio stories but not much artefacts
- how to say "monkey" in German - "affe"
- that I should refrain from asking people if they're gay or if they'd like to be. I mean sometimes I just get gay vibes from people and I just want to check if my gaydar is working, it's nothing personal or insulting. Also you never know if you might unwittingly help someone sort their sexuality out and change the course of their life. But I shall refrain in the future because it pisses people off.
- Qwerty keyboards on cell phones are just a pain in the ass. Why use a gazillion keys when you can use only 12?
I think I'm tired and I need a break, and I'm really looking forward to going home next weekend. But before that I'll need to finish all the interview transcriptions - I have three now, about five hours of data to transcribe. Another two guys will be coming this week and I will have five interviews in total before I call it a day. With five interviews I will have enough of data in my hands to look at for the time being I guess.
I think I like ska. The happy beat is the only thing keeping me from going into a full-blown monday blues depression. Over the weekend I went to the city and caught two live swing bands with Yves, and yesterday after coming home he sat me down and ran me through some nice ska bands that he liked, and the philosophy of the working class behind the music, and the picture of the big black guy who played the bass with his teeth. I was intrigued, but we couldn't find any video of him doing it, Yves saw him do it live.
Well I should get to my first transcription - Tope from Nigeria. Also means that I need to turn off the happy ska music. Will leave you with "I lost my phone" from Open Season, a Swiss ska/rock steady/reggae band.
I lost my phone, lalalalalalalalala.
Many uses of a retractable umbrella
Subtitled: The wandering mind of a bored academic
I was walking home, thinking about the consequences of modernity by Anthony Giddens which I read today, swinging my retractable umbrella as I strode, when my thoughts took a sudden turn towards the umbrella.
It could have been because at the exact moment that I was thinking about the fascinating idea about how, according to Giddens, money is a means of time-space distanciation because it separates your (future) possessions and you, that my retractable umbrella popped and extended itself because of centrifugal force.
Said umbrella was in my hand, not because it was raining, but because it was the last object that I picked up from the office desk before leaving. It is a pretty sweet umbrella really, small and handy, purple and silver in colour. One thing interesting about it is that, from the point of purchase to date, it has never shielded me from rain. It never rains when I have it in my bag. It always rains when, because of whatever reason, it is not in my bag. I consider this as one of the immutable laws of my life, that I have a small retractable umbrella that never gets wet. This constant is comforting in current times of post-modern turbulence.
Then I thought, since that it is no good as a shield against the weather, there should be some other purpose for it. Indeed, after some reflection, I found that the umbrella that I own is in actual fact, useful in multiple ways in diverse circumstances. For instance, it is remarkably suitable as a massager, as I found myself hitting the back of my sore neck with it. Just the right length and hardness.
Also, an umbrella like that is very useful in the event that you encounter a flasher. Besides the obvious utility of it as a weapon causing irreversible reproductive damage, someone once told me that you should actually break the spirit of the flasher by making a pointed comparison of the length of the umbrella at hand and his exposed willy. This renders the usage of the umbrella as a phallic symbol; and with adequate reflex, it can also be used as a phallic symbol causing irreversible reproductive damage.
But my mighty umbrella is not only an instrument of self-defense. It also promotes mindfulness and heightened alertness to the self and the environment, by being a tool of meditation. By concentration, one is able to twirl the umbrella by its attached string with the optimal amount of force, completing a perfect arc without popping and extending it. This takes careful coordination between the mental and physical faculties, taking into account wind speed and humidity of the surrounding environment. With years of practice, one can eventually attain a state of bliss and perhaps, a position in a marching band as the baton twirler.
Reaching the lift to my apartment, there was an Indian guy whose cell phone was playing a catchy Bollywood tune, as he waited. In such a situation, the umbrella becomes useful as an emergency movie set prop. In the event that random bystanders pop out behind pillars and start dancing to the background music, as they are prone to, the umbrella will be useful as a prop to dance with, strategically hiding its owner's mediocre dancing capabilities.
Truly, the retractable umbrella I have is an amazing instrument, its extensive uses limited only by the sky, and only a sky with heavy grey clouds. With this conclusion I fumbled for my keys and entered the apartment, ending my 20-minute walk home.
I was walking home, thinking about the consequences of modernity by Anthony Giddens which I read today, swinging my retractable umbrella as I strode, when my thoughts took a sudden turn towards the umbrella.
It could have been because at the exact moment that I was thinking about the fascinating idea about how, according to Giddens, money is a means of time-space distanciation because it separates your (future) possessions and you, that my retractable umbrella popped and extended itself because of centrifugal force.
Said umbrella was in my hand, not because it was raining, but because it was the last object that I picked up from the office desk before leaving. It is a pretty sweet umbrella really, small and handy, purple and silver in colour. One thing interesting about it is that, from the point of purchase to date, it has never shielded me from rain. It never rains when I have it in my bag. It always rains when, because of whatever reason, it is not in my bag. I consider this as one of the immutable laws of my life, that I have a small retractable umbrella that never gets wet. This constant is comforting in current times of post-modern turbulence.
Then I thought, since that it is no good as a shield against the weather, there should be some other purpose for it. Indeed, after some reflection, I found that the umbrella that I own is in actual fact, useful in multiple ways in diverse circumstances. For instance, it is remarkably suitable as a massager, as I found myself hitting the back of my sore neck with it. Just the right length and hardness.
Also, an umbrella like that is very useful in the event that you encounter a flasher. Besides the obvious utility of it as a weapon causing irreversible reproductive damage, someone once told me that you should actually break the spirit of the flasher by making a pointed comparison of the length of the umbrella at hand and his exposed willy. This renders the usage of the umbrella as a phallic symbol; and with adequate reflex, it can also be used as a phallic symbol causing irreversible reproductive damage.
But my mighty umbrella is not only an instrument of self-defense. It also promotes mindfulness and heightened alertness to the self and the environment, by being a tool of meditation. By concentration, one is able to twirl the umbrella by its attached string with the optimal amount of force, completing a perfect arc without popping and extending it. This takes careful coordination between the mental and physical faculties, taking into account wind speed and humidity of the surrounding environment. With years of practice, one can eventually attain a state of bliss and perhaps, a position in a marching band as the baton twirler.
Reaching the lift to my apartment, there was an Indian guy whose cell phone was playing a catchy Bollywood tune, as he waited. In such a situation, the umbrella becomes useful as an emergency movie set prop. In the event that random bystanders pop out behind pillars and start dancing to the background music, as they are prone to, the umbrella will be useful as a prop to dance with, strategically hiding its owner's mediocre dancing capabilities.
Truly, the retractable umbrella I have is an amazing instrument, its extensive uses limited only by the sky, and only a sky with heavy grey clouds. With this conclusion I fumbled for my keys and entered the apartment, ending my 20-minute walk home.
Jason Mraz is wise.
Quoted from Jason Mraz's blog,
"To you, my fun-employed friend, I encourage you to sit for only a few minutes and listen to the voice inside of you. It knows exactly what it wants to do. YOU just have to stop getting in its way. Forget how difficult your dreams may seem to achieve. Ignore the idea that your family and friends will think you’re weird. Drop all your doubts about financial concerns and just start living your life according to your purpose. The only thing that has to be in place for you to BE IT now is your attitude. Your life is your movie. Be your own hero and make it your favorite film to watch."
---
I've got Robert's CD! He's such a sweet thing - as a gift for me being vegetarian he sent me a self-compiled music CD titled "Vegetable Junkie", and I've just got it from Skinny David who got it from the person who stays in my previous dorm room which address Robert sent it to. Complicated process yes, but I've finally got it. Happy-happy belaka.
---
Small breakthroughs in research - not enough to be groundbreaking but enough to keep me going and asking questions. And asking questions about my questions, such as - is this question a stupid question? My dialogues with myself are recorded in my research journal. I have also developed a habit of articulating my thoughts when I am walking alone. I've found out that people do stare at people who talk to themselves.
---
Tonight I am going night cycling at East Coast with Yuen, Tony Twentytwo and Skinny David. I can do it, I will not fall, I can do it, I will not fall. I refuse to fail! Hooaarrrghhhh!! (Val and Marten argue that Asians sound like this, which we totally don't. We don't! Hoaarrrgghh!!!)
---
How does courtship work in this modern age?
---
Looking forward to my new mattress. I went to Ikea with Jia Ling yesterday and she couldn't believe that I have bought a single bed. She is strangely obsessed with me getting a double bed. I bought a laundry bag, a rubbish bin and a thing to put my gadgets in. No double beds, sorry.
---
Gypsy Kings is the shiznit.
---
OK break over. Back to being productive.
"To you, my fun-employed friend, I encourage you to sit for only a few minutes and listen to the voice inside of you. It knows exactly what it wants to do. YOU just have to stop getting in its way. Forget how difficult your dreams may seem to achieve. Ignore the idea that your family and friends will think you’re weird. Drop all your doubts about financial concerns and just start living your life according to your purpose. The only thing that has to be in place for you to BE IT now is your attitude. Your life is your movie. Be your own hero and make it your favorite film to watch."
---
I've got Robert's CD! He's such a sweet thing - as a gift for me being vegetarian he sent me a self-compiled music CD titled "Vegetable Junkie", and I've just got it from Skinny David who got it from the person who stays in my previous dorm room which address Robert sent it to. Complicated process yes, but I've finally got it. Happy-happy belaka.
---
Small breakthroughs in research - not enough to be groundbreaking but enough to keep me going and asking questions. And asking questions about my questions, such as - is this question a stupid question? My dialogues with myself are recorded in my research journal. I have also developed a habit of articulating my thoughts when I am walking alone. I've found out that people do stare at people who talk to themselves.
---
Tonight I am going night cycling at East Coast with Yuen, Tony Twentytwo and Skinny David. I can do it, I will not fall, I can do it, I will not fall. I refuse to fail! Hooaarrrghhhh!! (Val and Marten argue that Asians sound like this, which we totally don't. We don't! Hoaarrrgghh!!!)
---
How does courtship work in this modern age?
---
Looking forward to my new mattress. I went to Ikea with Jia Ling yesterday and she couldn't believe that I have bought a single bed. She is strangely obsessed with me getting a double bed. I bought a laundry bag, a rubbish bin and a thing to put my gadgets in. No double beds, sorry.
---
Gypsy Kings is the shiznit.
---
OK break over. Back to being productive.
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