Ok sorry I've been missing in action for so long. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I've been trapped in multiple whirlwinds (imagine a Venn diagram with 5 whirlwinds with one overlapping area - and that overlapping area would be me). I am still stuck but perhaps writing this blog post may help. Or it may not. At any rate it will do me good to purge some of the content in my head, except the unpurgeable parts, of which I blame the fact that this is a public blog with the public reading, and trying to protect it is like trying to hold an invisible fort with invisible walls. (The fort also has an invisible moat and super-range cannons and dragons that will pwn your horse-riding sword-wielding armour-clad mom. It is an awesome fort.)
Research.
So anyway. Confirmation defense is over and I passed it under dubious conditions that my examiners refuse to have to go through my report again. So right now I am dealing with the aftermath of sifting through the debris that is my theoretical framework and hopefully build something that will withstand the test of time and unsympathetic examiners, who keep huffing and puffing at my straw house, damn them.
Travelling.
I am going to Hong Kong in November for a PhD Symposium, and I've been tasked with arranging the logistics for everyone (8 people). That's what you get for having a reputation as a travel junkie.
I'm also working on a research attachment in University of Leipzig, Germany, for next March. The research attachment preparation is a mountainload of paperwork and money. I have also enrolled myself into a German language course so that I will be able to construct a sentence without saying Germany Must Die Or We Can't Live, constipation, or Mitfahrgelegenheit. I am excited but also deathly afraid. German people are stern (but fair) and blond and wear Jack Wolfskin-branded lederhosen. I will never be able to fit in and they will eat me alive.
Work.
TA duties. Readings for audited class on qualitative research methodology. Assignment for said class. Preparing a paper for a conference.
Staying alive.
Not sleeping enough or eating healthy and am torturing my body with various strenuous activities such as dragonboating and running and (the thought of) kickboxing. Occasionally uke-ing.
Censored.
Censored censored censored censored. Censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored, censored censored, censored censored censored censored censored. Censored. Censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored.
Newsflash. The word "censored" has been exhausted and has ceased to be a word. Attention to word-constructors out there: we will need something new and more powerful, a word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side.
Word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side.
Word that is able to not only stifle freedom of speech but also pwn your mom on the side. To the power of x till it implodes and destroys human language as we know it, so that homo sapiens beyond this generation will have to dance like honeybees to communicate. They will be so busy dancing that they will have no time for war or mass consumption or obesity.
You have a good day too.
Showing posts with label rapid-voice-in-my-head. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rapid-voice-in-my-head. Show all posts
-3: Holy Shit
I've never really understood why people say that. How is shit holy? I can understand holy cow, but holy shit? This blog post will be open the whole day and I will be typing in random things that I think of, amidst my frantic writing. I can't believe today's Thursday, tomorrow's Friday, then Saturday comes and I'm flying off! But yea, no time to really put up an insightful post full of witticisms as per my usual writing. Still crazy behind with my work. Still.
---
I'm representing for them gangsters all across the world
Still hitting them corners in them low low's girl
Still taking my time to perfect the beat
And I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E
---
Just came back from a meeting with my co-supervisor, my safety net, my life raft, my bungy rope. My pillar of support, my oasis in the desert, my please-don't-leave-me-to-die. He seems ok with my progress although I'm not. He also seems to think that I'll be working on it in Europe although I'm not. But seeing that he's always right, I may be ok, and I'll have to put in some overtime in Europe... preferably Berlin when I'll still be having a roof over my head.
I am taking solace in a video that I saw the other day on Discovery News - this explorer guy said that there is only one essential thing to be an explorer. "Incompetence". Because if everything goes well according to (a good) plan, there would be no adventures or good stories to tell. I will think of his wise words when I am stranded somewhere with no roof over my head or after I am robbed by cute gypsy kids.
I saw my insurance guy yesterday to pay for my travel insurance and it was him who told me about the gypsy kids slashing backpacks and pickpocketing in Europe. "They go for single Asian women who look clumsy and lost," he said. "Erm. Isn't that me?" "Yup." "With a neon sign pointing at the top of my head?" "Yup." I think my insurance guy is honest to the point of being annoying, which is probably a good trait for any insurance guy to have.
---
This is my Island of Stuff, still under construction. I can't afford to procrastinate on packing this time, so I've delineated an area to dump stuff that need to be packed there whenever I remember to. This is incomplete of course, especially the stack of clothes, which I put in just for illustration purposes.
From the top left clockwise, that's my day bag cum cooler (it has this really cool lining that keeps your drinks cool inside), my newly acquired netbook, various chargers and adapters of gadgets, my sleeping bag, my 32 litre Deuter Act Trail, some medication and supplements my mum got me, clothes, toiletries, souvenirs from Malaysia for friends and friends I have yet to make, a folder of important documents, a notebook and my passport. Apart from the day bag and the sleeping bag which my dad and I figured out how to affix outside the pack, everything has to go in.
I'm also bringing this new t-shirt I bought yesterday:
---
When I was doing my last-minute shopping yesterday I saw two cute guys. One was a salesman in a shop selling designer bags made out of recycled things such as seatbelts, fire hoses, candy wrappers and soda can rings. He patiently explained everything to me and was very nice even though I didn't buy anything (or look like I could afford to). The other was when I was buying a book in Borders, and the cute cashier asked me if I needed a plastic bag. He was the only cashier who took the trouble to ask me that for the entire day. I asked him if he asked everybody, or if he just noticed that I had a huge shopping bag with me. He said he asked everybody. I thanked him for that =)
Environmentally conscious guys are hot.Actually no, the researcher in me can't make that causal conclusion - so it's either environmentally conscious guys are hot, or hot guys are environmentally conscious. No actually again - there are many methodological problems - the sample's too small, there's a high researcher bias, so I can't say that either. Fuck - They just are.
---
Shit it's evening already and I've only finished organizing all my references and have been thinking a lot but haven't actually written anything. Jen Hui believes in me. If Jen Hui believes in me I should believe in myself right? Right!!!
---
I was just sending an impulse email to Val and at almost the same instance that I was about to send it, I got his text! Freaky friendship telepathy ftw =D
---
OK I should close this post and get down to writing. Two hours of intense word-smithing, coming up!
---
I'm representing for them gangsters all across the world
Still hitting them corners in them low low's girl
Still taking my time to perfect the beat
And I still got love for the streets, it's the D-R-E
---
Just came back from a meeting with my co-supervisor, my safety net, my life raft, my bungy rope. My pillar of support, my oasis in the desert, my please-don't-leave-me-to-die. He seems ok with my progress although I'm not. He also seems to think that I'll be working on it in Europe although I'm not. But seeing that he's always right, I may be ok, and I'll have to put in some overtime in Europe... preferably Berlin when I'll still be having a roof over my head.
I am taking solace in a video that I saw the other day on Discovery News - this explorer guy said that there is only one essential thing to be an explorer. "Incompetence". Because if everything goes well according to (a good) plan, there would be no adventures or good stories to tell. I will think of his wise words when I am stranded somewhere with no roof over my head or after I am robbed by cute gypsy kids.
I saw my insurance guy yesterday to pay for my travel insurance and it was him who told me about the gypsy kids slashing backpacks and pickpocketing in Europe. "They go for single Asian women who look clumsy and lost," he said. "Erm. Isn't that me?" "Yup." "With a neon sign pointing at the top of my head?" "Yup." I think my insurance guy is honest to the point of being annoying, which is probably a good trait for any insurance guy to have.
---
This is my Island of Stuff, still under construction. I can't afford to procrastinate on packing this time, so I've delineated an area to dump stuff that need to be packed there whenever I remember to. This is incomplete of course, especially the stack of clothes, which I put in just for illustration purposes.From the top left clockwise, that's my day bag cum cooler (it has this really cool lining that keeps your drinks cool inside), my newly acquired netbook, various chargers and adapters of gadgets, my sleeping bag, my 32 litre Deuter Act Trail, some medication and supplements my mum got me, clothes, toiletries, souvenirs from Malaysia for friends and friends I have yet to make, a folder of important documents, a notebook and my passport. Apart from the day bag and the sleeping bag which my dad and I figured out how to affix outside the pack, everything has to go in.
I'm also bringing this new t-shirt I bought yesterday:
---
When I was doing my last-minute shopping yesterday I saw two cute guys. One was a salesman in a shop selling designer bags made out of recycled things such as seatbelts, fire hoses, candy wrappers and soda can rings. He patiently explained everything to me and was very nice even though I didn't buy anything (or look like I could afford to). The other was when I was buying a book in Borders, and the cute cashier asked me if I needed a plastic bag. He was the only cashier who took the trouble to ask me that for the entire day. I asked him if he asked everybody, or if he just noticed that I had a huge shopping bag with me. He said he asked everybody. I thanked him for that =)
Environmentally conscious guys are hot.
---
Shit it's evening already and I've only finished organizing all my references and have been thinking a lot but haven't actually written anything. Jen Hui believes in me. If Jen Hui believes in me I should believe in myself right? Right!!!
---
I was just sending an impulse email to Val and at almost the same instance that I was about to send it, I got his text! Freaky friendship telepathy ftw =D
---
OK I should close this post and get down to writing. Two hours of intense word-smithing, coming up!
-11: Tan Jun-E, for the win!
Giving myself a little pep talk over a very inconvenient bout of writer's block.
I make words flow. I write books. I make things work. I have a magic smile. I stop cars with my thumb. I jump off bridges. I save whales. I cook edible food. I pwn leeches.
I witness amazing sunsets. (That's me, the wee speck, witnessing an amazing sunset at Kota Kinabalu.)
I am awesome. I can do it. What is another 10,000 words? I'll write twenty if I have to. Words don't scare me. Words are my friends. Without words there'll be no languages. Without languages there'll be no meaning. Without meaning there'll be no society. Damn. Words are starting to scare me again.
My point is. My point is. What is my point again?
Just finish the goddamn document and then you'll have all the sunrises and sunsets that you want. In ten days' time. Tan Jun-E, ftw!
I make words flow. I write books. I make things work. I have a magic smile. I stop cars with my thumb. I jump off bridges. I save whales. I cook edible food. I pwn leeches.
I witness amazing sunsets. (That's me, the wee speck, witnessing an amazing sunset at Kota Kinabalu.)
I am awesome. I can do it. What is another 10,000 words? I'll write twenty if I have to. Words don't scare me. Words are my friends. Without words there'll be no languages. Without languages there'll be no meaning. Without meaning there'll be no society. Damn. Words are starting to scare me again.My point is. My point is. What is my point again?
Just finish the goddamn document and then you'll have all the sunrises and sunsets that you want. In ten days' time. Tan Jun-E, ftw!
-54: Picture of serenity
Oh no oh no we're going for -50 and I have mountainloads of work not done yet and we're all going to hit a wall and die an excruciating death! *deep choked breaths*
I couldn't sleep yesterday night resulting in an awfully tired day and I had this meeting with my co-supe which was fine just that it made me realize the amount of work that I still have ahead of me and I really don't know if 54 days is enough actually make that 30 days because I need one month for my supervisors to go through my draft and make corrections and I still have so much to read so much to write so much to delete and write again and then I'll die and be born again out of the flames and make it to Europe. Except that I am not a phoenix and I am not familiar with the mechanics of deconstructing and reconstructing my particles through combustion. Does that mean I'm... just going to die?
Yeah. Just a fleeting glimpse of what it's like to be in my head. I'm going for dragonboat training tomorrow to de-stress and hopefully unclog my running nose.
I couldn't sleep yesterday night resulting in an awfully tired day and I had this meeting with my co-supe which was fine just that it made me realize the amount of work that I still have ahead of me and I really don't know if 54 days is enough actually make that 30 days because I need one month for my supervisors to go through my draft and make corrections and I still have so much to read so much to write so much to delete and write again and then I'll die and be born again out of the flames and make it to Europe. Except that I am not a phoenix and I am not familiar with the mechanics of deconstructing and reconstructing my particles through combustion. Does that mean I'm... just going to die?
Yeah. Just a fleeting glimpse of what it's like to be in my head. I'm going for dragonboat training tomorrow to de-stress and hopefully unclog my running nose.
-56:
Oh my god there's some kind of carnival going on in a temple a block away and I can hear the whole karaoke and annoying MC with a piercing voice. From 9 floors up TMD. It's almost 11 now and I feel like clubbing people with microphones. By that I actually mean I would like to club anyone who is holding a microphone with a microphone.
I finished my World of Warcraft 10-hour session today. Yes it has awakened the violence in me. Against my will I clubbed peace-loving Plainstriders, and later other increasingly aggressive creatures, and my newfound bloodthirstiness made me kill an innocent prairie dog just because I could. It probably had prairie puppies waiting for food back home. I am a horrible person.
MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God they can't be serious. The wailing! The melodramatic vibration at the high notes! The ridiculously outdated songs! This is so bad, it is almost surreal. I refuse to believe that there are actually people in the audience, enduring the auditory torture. I mean, how could people not want to kill themselves, if not the people on stage? I just thought of a bad Jewish joke that probably only Val can appreciate. I miss Val. In fact I miss many people. But I can't be sentimental now, with the murderous mood still running in the background.
Hmm. I think the music has stopped. I can be sentimental after all.
OK firstly Asa I got your email... I'm glad about the new developments and all but I'm also pretty sad that you're not going to be in KL anymore... I know I know, it doesn't make a diff because I'm in Singapore anyway but that just makes it even sadder I guess. But at least you'll have LL there with you. And I suppose it's a better career prospect. T_T I will try to make it back before I go to Europe...
And other stuff. Other emails that I want to reply, but I'm never in the right frame of mind to, you know? I'm either depressed about work, or busy with extracurricular activities, or just trying to clear my head. The funny thing is that most of the people that I really want to see, are not in Singapore. I'm tired of all the emails, I want face time man. But I know very well that I am not going to get face time, and slowly but surely, I won't be able to keep up with all my contacts and they will slowly fade away... - isn't that the saddest thing? Like a piece of fine painting that, over time, loses its vivid colour, and all that's left is yesterday's memories and today's awkward silences.
Whoa damn emo. I blame it on the stupid singing. Well at least I blogged a long one today. Need to take a shower and go to bed to prepare for a new day tomorrow.
I finished my World of Warcraft 10-hour session today. Yes it has awakened the violence in me. Against my will I clubbed peace-loving Plainstriders, and later other increasingly aggressive creatures, and my newfound bloodthirstiness made me kill an innocent prairie dog just because I could. It probably had prairie puppies waiting for food back home. I am a horrible person.
MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God they can't be serious. The wailing! The melodramatic vibration at the high notes! The ridiculously outdated songs! This is so bad, it is almost surreal. I refuse to believe that there are actually people in the audience, enduring the auditory torture. I mean, how could people not want to kill themselves, if not the people on stage? I just thought of a bad Jewish joke that probably only Val can appreciate. I miss Val. In fact I miss many people. But I can't be sentimental now, with the murderous mood still running in the background.
Hmm. I think the music has stopped. I can be sentimental after all.
OK firstly Asa I got your email... I'm glad about the new developments and all but I'm also pretty sad that you're not going to be in KL anymore... I know I know, it doesn't make a diff because I'm in Singapore anyway but that just makes it even sadder I guess. But at least you'll have LL there with you. And I suppose it's a better career prospect. T_T I will try to make it back before I go to Europe...
And other stuff. Other emails that I want to reply, but I'm never in the right frame of mind to, you know? I'm either depressed about work, or busy with extracurricular activities, or just trying to clear my head. The funny thing is that most of the people that I really want to see, are not in Singapore. I'm tired of all the emails, I want face time man. But I know very well that I am not going to get face time, and slowly but surely, I won't be able to keep up with all my contacts and they will slowly fade away... - isn't that the saddest thing? Like a piece of fine painting that, over time, loses its vivid colour, and all that's left is yesterday's memories and today's awkward silences.
Whoa damn emo. I blame it on the stupid singing. Well at least I blogged a long one today. Need to take a shower and go to bed to prepare for a new day tomorrow.
I'm not drunk, I just walk funny.
I'm not blogging, I'm just typing in a text area.
My eyes are heavy but I need to type. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who would understand what I'm thinking, what I'm saying, what I'm doing. I'm sure there is someone out there. I am interesting. I won't bore you. Can I talk to you?
It is amazing what kind of situations your brain sometimes lead you to. In moments of clarity - or moments of drunkenness, take your extreme pick, it suddenly dawns onto you that it is you who is creating all the mess in your head. The chorus of generalized others, all saying things to you, trying to sway your opinion, trying to tell you what's good for you. Well shut the fuck up my head. Just shut the fuck up.
If you think about it things could be so easy. You could take a plunge. You could take a time machine, from twenty years later, back to the present, when you would actually do stuff that you're deathly afraid of, so that you wouldn't regret it twenty years later. Isn't that the most intriguing idea? To live in the present, by imagining that you are travelling back to the past, from the future? Do you understand what I mean?
I'm not sleepy, I'm just resting my eyes.
//Second morning. I actually fell asleep right after I typed the above line.
Val's not a good influence for me I'm afraid. For most of his stay in Singapore he was down with diarrhoea and upon recovery two days ago we have already got drunk twice. Gone are the days when he would decline alcohol (Marten: If I had a beer on me right now, would you take it? Val: No! - well, not anymore).
We spent the day yesterday in Little India, first having Indian food and then hanging out at Post Museum, which has fast become one of my favourite hangouts in Singapore. It's a vegetarian cafe and the people there are super friendly. It's one of the few places in Singapore, where you can sit down and talk to random people. That you can actually feel that people going to the place are human, not humanoids. They're hosting the Really Really Free Market next weekend (where goods and services are offered for free, bring your stuff to give away if you want) and I'm volunteering there.
So Val and I hung out for like 5 hours there, plotting my Europe route. It is definitely shaping up, just that I need to smoothen things out in uni. Once everything is settled I can buy my tickets and my Epic Trip of The Year would be sorted out. Val drew a map of Europe on the back of some newspapers (which is distributed in the Post Museum, called "Good Paper" and it only reports good news. Sweet as.), and we started fantasizing about the things that I'll be doing there.
Day trip from Hamburg to Sylt, one of Val's favourite places in Germany. Going to the Isle of Arran, that a drunken Scottish teacher in a pub in New Zealand had repeatedly mentioned that I have to. (Remember the Isle of Arrrran!!) Hiking in Switzerland. Meeting Silver in Estonia and checking out the Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Taking a train from Rome to Switzerland along a scenic route. Taking the train that goes under the sea from Paris to London. Hanging out with Marten in Gothenburg, and Robert in either Holland or Ireland, depending on where he'll be. Prague, Krakow, Riga. And then some.
Not in that order. And we have no idea if our route is feasible, budget-wise. But still -
*grins in an idiotic fashion*
Well, the floor is open to any of you who want to recommend a must-see place anywhere in Europe, anywhere you like, from the touristy to the obscure. I enjoy culture and nature so this trip will probably be a combination of both.
I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 10am, our stipulated weekend wake up time, upon which we'll agree on some random activity and end up whiling our time away in a cafe and drinking beer on some padang. Star-gazing on top of the ADM building at night optional.
My eyes are heavy but I need to type. I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone who would understand what I'm thinking, what I'm saying, what I'm doing. I'm sure there is someone out there. I am interesting. I won't bore you. Can I talk to you?
It is amazing what kind of situations your brain sometimes lead you to. In moments of clarity - or moments of drunkenness, take your extreme pick, it suddenly dawns onto you that it is you who is creating all the mess in your head. The chorus of generalized others, all saying things to you, trying to sway your opinion, trying to tell you what's good for you. Well shut the fuck up my head. Just shut the fuck up.
If you think about it things could be so easy. You could take a plunge. You could take a time machine, from twenty years later, back to the present, when you would actually do stuff that you're deathly afraid of, so that you wouldn't regret it twenty years later. Isn't that the most intriguing idea? To live in the present, by imagining that you are travelling back to the past, from the future? Do you understand what I mean?
I'm not sleepy, I'm just resting my eyes.
//Second morning. I actually fell asleep right after I typed the above line.
Val's not a good influence for me I'm afraid. For most of his stay in Singapore he was down with diarrhoea and upon recovery two days ago we have already got drunk twice. Gone are the days when he would decline alcohol (Marten: If I had a beer on me right now, would you take it? Val: No! - well, not anymore).
We spent the day yesterday in Little India, first having Indian food and then hanging out at Post Museum, which has fast become one of my favourite hangouts in Singapore. It's a vegetarian cafe and the people there are super friendly. It's one of the few places in Singapore, where you can sit down and talk to random people. That you can actually feel that people going to the place are human, not humanoids. They're hosting the Really Really Free Market next weekend (where goods and services are offered for free, bring your stuff to give away if you want) and I'm volunteering there.
So Val and I hung out for like 5 hours there, plotting my Europe route. It is definitely shaping up, just that I need to smoothen things out in uni. Once everything is settled I can buy my tickets and my Epic Trip of The Year would be sorted out. Val drew a map of Europe on the back of some newspapers (which is distributed in the Post Museum, called "Good Paper" and it only reports good news. Sweet as.), and we started fantasizing about the things that I'll be doing there.
Day trip from Hamburg to Sylt, one of Val's favourite places in Germany. Going to the Isle of Arran, that a drunken Scottish teacher in a pub in New Zealand had repeatedly mentioned that I have to. (Remember the Isle of Arrrran!!) Hiking in Switzerland. Meeting Silver in Estonia and checking out the Viljandi Folk Music Festival. Taking a train from Rome to Switzerland along a scenic route. Taking the train that goes under the sea from Paris to London. Hanging out with Marten in Gothenburg, and Robert in either Holland or Ireland, depending on where he'll be. Prague, Krakow, Riga. And then some.
Not in that order. And we have no idea if our route is feasible, budget-wise. But still -
*grins in an idiotic fashion*
Well, the floor is open to any of you who want to recommend a must-see place anywhere in Europe, anywhere you like, from the touristy to the obscure. I enjoy culture and nature so this trip will probably be a combination of both.
I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 10am, our stipulated weekend wake up time, upon which we'll agree on some random activity and end up whiling our time away in a cafe and drinking beer on some padang. Star-gazing on top of the ADM building at night optional.
[Insert CNY-related title]
[Insert something festive]
[Insert something red]
[Insert something about finding a leaking jar of vegetarian sambal from the last trip home that I had forgotten in my backpack and that had stained my readings orange][It was tragic]
[Insert CNY cookies that I have not been able to get my paws away from]
[Insert an obligatory "nomnomnom" because I'm a hip and cool Malaysian blogger whose age wants to defy gravity]
[Insert thoughts about why that is not going to happen][Because age is an abstract definitive concept that we can measure fairly accurately using quantitative methods - eat that, Blumer - that gravity has no influence over - eat that, Newton][Except for certain body parts][Oh no]
[Insert extremely hot tropical CNY weather][I am melting]
[Insert the Fibonacci sequence again][0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13...][This is the only sequence that I know]
[Insert floppy disks hahahaha have any of you watched "Hackers" which has Angelina Jolie starring in it?][I love pre-Y2K technology-related apocalypses][Cutting edge 3 1/2in floppy disks yo][People used to use magnetic tapes ok]
[Insert CNY songs][Mandarins][Angpao*][I am rich!][Oh yeah][Divide by 5=amount in Euro][Anti-climax][It's about the love, not the money][Oh yeah]
[Happy Chinese New Year to all =]]
---
*[Insert footnote: red packets filled with money given to children during Chinese New Year. Also useful to humiliate single people because only married people get to give out angpaos. Muahahaha! Probably invented by spinsters to con money in the old days. Suckers. End footnote.]
[Insert something red]
[Insert something about finding a leaking jar of vegetarian sambal from the last trip home that I had forgotten in my backpack and that had stained my readings orange][It was tragic]
[Insert CNY cookies that I have not been able to get my paws away from]
[Insert an obligatory "nomnomnom" because I'm a hip and cool Malaysian blogger whose age wants to defy gravity]
[Insert thoughts about why that is not going to happen][Because age is an abstract definitive concept that we can measure fairly accurately using quantitative methods - eat that, Blumer - that gravity has no influence over - eat that, Newton][Except for certain body parts][Oh no]
[Insert extremely hot tropical CNY weather][I am melting]
[Insert the Fibonacci sequence again][0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13...][This is the only sequence that I know]
[Insert floppy disks hahahaha have any of you watched "Hackers" which has Angelina Jolie starring in it?][I love pre-Y2K technology-related apocalypses][Cutting edge 3 1/2in floppy disks yo][People used to use magnetic tapes ok]
[Insert CNY songs][Mandarins][Angpao*][I am rich!][Oh yeah][Divide by 5=amount in Euro][Anti-climax][It's about the love, not the money][Oh yeah]
[Happy Chinese New Year to all =]]
---
*[Insert footnote: red packets filled with money given to children during Chinese New Year. Also useful to humiliate single people because only married people get to give out angpaos. Muahahaha! Probably invented by spinsters to con money in the old days. Suckers. End footnote.]
One of those days.
Have you ever had days when you were so busy that your workload was literally bursting out of the seams of the bag that you put your workload in but you were too unfocused and lost that you didn't know what to do and you just wandered around watching youtube singing to Jon Lajoie songs which are awesome by the way and then you wondered if you should take a nap but somehow you were too pumped up to and there's a class that you had to go to in an hour anyway and you hadn't had lunch yet and
and now you're back from class and just got an ingenious idea to utilize modern technology to lessen your TA workload and hence are kind of smug but still the question remains that you don't have a question to ask for your research and therefore cannot hope to find an answer and time is trickling away while you are blogging absently wondering what else you can do to procrastinate further from doing actual work...?
I'm sure you have. That's what I'm talking about.
and now you're back from class and just got an ingenious idea to utilize modern technology to lessen your TA workload and hence are kind of smug but still the question remains that you don't have a question to ask for your research and therefore cannot hope to find an answer and time is trickling away while you are blogging absently wondering what else you can do to procrastinate further from doing actual work...?
I'm sure you have. That's what I'm talking about.
Deeply unsettling news.
I foresee a dark cloud casting a shadow on some of my plans. It's nothing serious but I'm bummed and I am deeply uncertain about the situation right now, and I'm afraid, but I cannot do anything about it in the time being. Having a bad feeling about it. Dreaming up worst case scenarios. Trying to tell myself everything will be alright. But will it? Can we be sure? Can we be sure that this will not upturn my life, and negate everything I've worked for, and the sole motivation I have to live my current life?
If it pushes me to the brink to grasp for my freedom, and I reach out, only to lose my footing and plummet into the abyss of no return?
No one died. No one's dog died. I am not contemplating suicide. I am fine. Everything material around me is fine although my soul might get snuffed out in the near future if things don't work out. Reality caught me with my guard down. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get what I want.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Things will work out eventually. They always do.
If it pushes me to the brink to grasp for my freedom, and I reach out, only to lose my footing and plummet into the abyss of no return?
No one died. No one's dog died. I am not contemplating suicide. I am fine. Everything material around me is fine although my soul might get snuffed out in the near future if things don't work out. Reality caught me with my guard down. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get what I want.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Things will work out eventually. They always do.
Escapism: Gooseneck Campsite
I have to finish this paper to finish this paper to finish this paper. (That is what I call two deja vus in one sentence.)But at the back of my head I am actually there, in the picture, looking at the river below me, marvelling at the sheer insignificance of myself and my problems in general. I love how nature puts me in my place.
Motivation to finish this paper to finish this paper to finish this paper so that I can write other papers and compile them into a confirmation report so that I can travel again! Ooosh!
Many uses of a retractable umbrella
Subtitled: The wandering mind of a bored academic
I was walking home, thinking about the consequences of modernity by Anthony Giddens which I read today, swinging my retractable umbrella as I strode, when my thoughts took a sudden turn towards the umbrella.
It could have been because at the exact moment that I was thinking about the fascinating idea about how, according to Giddens, money is a means of time-space distanciation because it separates your (future) possessions and you, that my retractable umbrella popped and extended itself because of centrifugal force.
Said umbrella was in my hand, not because it was raining, but because it was the last object that I picked up from the office desk before leaving. It is a pretty sweet umbrella really, small and handy, purple and silver in colour. One thing interesting about it is that, from the point of purchase to date, it has never shielded me from rain. It never rains when I have it in my bag. It always rains when, because of whatever reason, it is not in my bag. I consider this as one of the immutable laws of my life, that I have a small retractable umbrella that never gets wet. This constant is comforting in current times of post-modern turbulence.
Then I thought, since that it is no good as a shield against the weather, there should be some other purpose for it. Indeed, after some reflection, I found that the umbrella that I own is in actual fact, useful in multiple ways in diverse circumstances. For instance, it is remarkably suitable as a massager, as I found myself hitting the back of my sore neck with it. Just the right length and hardness.
Also, an umbrella like that is very useful in the event that you encounter a flasher. Besides the obvious utility of it as a weapon causing irreversible reproductive damage, someone once told me that you should actually break the spirit of the flasher by making a pointed comparison of the length of the umbrella at hand and his exposed willy. This renders the usage of the umbrella as a phallic symbol; and with adequate reflex, it can also be used as a phallic symbol causing irreversible reproductive damage.
But my mighty umbrella is not only an instrument of self-defense. It also promotes mindfulness and heightened alertness to the self and the environment, by being a tool of meditation. By concentration, one is able to twirl the umbrella by its attached string with the optimal amount of force, completing a perfect arc without popping and extending it. This takes careful coordination between the mental and physical faculties, taking into account wind speed and humidity of the surrounding environment. With years of practice, one can eventually attain a state of bliss and perhaps, a position in a marching band as the baton twirler.
Reaching the lift to my apartment, there was an Indian guy whose cell phone was playing a catchy Bollywood tune, as he waited. In such a situation, the umbrella becomes useful as an emergency movie set prop. In the event that random bystanders pop out behind pillars and start dancing to the background music, as they are prone to, the umbrella will be useful as a prop to dance with, strategically hiding its owner's mediocre dancing capabilities.
Truly, the retractable umbrella I have is an amazing instrument, its extensive uses limited only by the sky, and only a sky with heavy grey clouds. With this conclusion I fumbled for my keys and entered the apartment, ending my 20-minute walk home.
I was walking home, thinking about the consequences of modernity by Anthony Giddens which I read today, swinging my retractable umbrella as I strode, when my thoughts took a sudden turn towards the umbrella.
It could have been because at the exact moment that I was thinking about the fascinating idea about how, according to Giddens, money is a means of time-space distanciation because it separates your (future) possessions and you, that my retractable umbrella popped and extended itself because of centrifugal force.
Said umbrella was in my hand, not because it was raining, but because it was the last object that I picked up from the office desk before leaving. It is a pretty sweet umbrella really, small and handy, purple and silver in colour. One thing interesting about it is that, from the point of purchase to date, it has never shielded me from rain. It never rains when I have it in my bag. It always rains when, because of whatever reason, it is not in my bag. I consider this as one of the immutable laws of my life, that I have a small retractable umbrella that never gets wet. This constant is comforting in current times of post-modern turbulence.
Then I thought, since that it is no good as a shield against the weather, there should be some other purpose for it. Indeed, after some reflection, I found that the umbrella that I own is in actual fact, useful in multiple ways in diverse circumstances. For instance, it is remarkably suitable as a massager, as I found myself hitting the back of my sore neck with it. Just the right length and hardness.
Also, an umbrella like that is very useful in the event that you encounter a flasher. Besides the obvious utility of it as a weapon causing irreversible reproductive damage, someone once told me that you should actually break the spirit of the flasher by making a pointed comparison of the length of the umbrella at hand and his exposed willy. This renders the usage of the umbrella as a phallic symbol; and with adequate reflex, it can also be used as a phallic symbol causing irreversible reproductive damage.
But my mighty umbrella is not only an instrument of self-defense. It also promotes mindfulness and heightened alertness to the self and the environment, by being a tool of meditation. By concentration, one is able to twirl the umbrella by its attached string with the optimal amount of force, completing a perfect arc without popping and extending it. This takes careful coordination between the mental and physical faculties, taking into account wind speed and humidity of the surrounding environment. With years of practice, one can eventually attain a state of bliss and perhaps, a position in a marching band as the baton twirler.
Reaching the lift to my apartment, there was an Indian guy whose cell phone was playing a catchy Bollywood tune, as he waited. In such a situation, the umbrella becomes useful as an emergency movie set prop. In the event that random bystanders pop out behind pillars and start dancing to the background music, as they are prone to, the umbrella will be useful as a prop to dance with, strategically hiding its owner's mediocre dancing capabilities.
Truly, the retractable umbrella I have is an amazing instrument, its extensive uses limited only by the sky, and only a sky with heavy grey clouds. With this conclusion I fumbled for my keys and entered the apartment, ending my 20-minute walk home.
Meltdown sikit
OK We're finally in July. I'm finally in the battle zone that I've been looking at afar from June, speculating about the craziness but never actually registering that with every passing day, the dates come closer. I am at the point where I finally see, that I am going to be the person carrying out my haphazardly engineered back-to-back schedule for the following three months - and it is not going to be pretty.
Right now you're looking at a deer staring into the headlights of an oncoming truck named Self-Inflicted Stress.
There's so many thoughts in my head, all not related to each other, some research, some travel, some homelessness, a fair bit of homelessness actually, and all the hell that is spawned from these sources. OK to put it in perspective:
July
7/7
Leave Singapore for KL after putting my whole room into boxes. Which is something that I should do from right now.
8/7 - 11/7
In KL. Running errands (India visa, ISIC card, shopping for formal wear, somehow fix my hair), multiple gatherings (Asa, LL, XiaoCi, my NZ Aunt).
12/7
Return to Singapore with my World's Greatest Parents and move everything to Jia Ling's place.
13/7 - 17/7
Some graduate forum. Whole-day affairs. I'm presenting a paper. Which means that I need to prepare for my paper as well.
17/7 - 25/7
India. Haven't got CSers for Bangalore yet. I am nervous. Also I think India's going to be really intense, and at this point it looks intimidating. Thanks to my mum who was collecting horror stories in attempt to dissuade me from going. We'll be covering Bangalore, Mysore, Chennai and Pondicherry.
27/7 - 31/7
Some course for graduate students. Also whole-day affairs. Right after India. Have to adjust my mind straight after I come back.
August
1/8 - 3/8
Prep for US
4/8
Flight to Boston. Reach Boston at 10:30pm.
5/8 - 8/8
Conference. Presenting paper on the 6th. Need to prepare some kind of poster session. Have no idea how it's going to be like.
9/8 - 13/8
Bus to New York from Boston. Bunk at Kingston's, meet up with XC and Jian Hui. Probably the only relaxed part of my trip to the US.
13/8 - 20/8
Research week at San Francisco where I try to talk to people. I haven't planned it yet. My theoretical framework, my interview questions, my EVERYTHING. Kill me now please.
21/8 - 30/8
Camping Part 1 - Going with the Green Tortoise for its Canyons of the West trip, covering Las Vegas, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon NP, Arches NP, Monument Valley, Lake Powell, Grand Canyon NP.
September
1/9 - 7/9
Camping Part 2 - Burning Man. Also going with Green Tortoise. Intense desert camping, but at least I'll have someone to take care of my food and water and transport. Highlight of my trip. And I am still bloody scared.
9/9
Arrive in Singapore. Back. Finally. Start to look for a new room. Move house from Jia Ling's, as soon as possible. This will take me at least 2 weeks. At least. But can't mooch off Jia Ling's hospitality too much.
OK Siao onot. Two months, four countries. (And check all that KL-Singapore-India-Singapore action.) The panic has kicked in, and according to past experience, action will kick in soon after, but I'm at that paralyzed stage where I need extra push from panic to get away from the inertia, and then the two months will fly by. The details of the plans still have to be executed, and I have to come up with some extensive to-do list, extensive packing list, extensive people-to-bother list.
I like lists. I now have a list of lists. This should be heaven for me. AAAARrrrggggh the truck's gonna hit me!!!!
Adrenaline rush, danger danger danger. Then after moving have to get my confirmation report ready, as my goal is to complete it by the end of this year. October, November, December. 2009 will then be gone, we'll be one decade into the 2000's, and climate change effects are going to happen even more frequently, and we're all going to die!!!!!!!
Shhhhh. Everything's going to be ok. Shhhhhh.
Right now you're looking at a deer staring into the headlights of an oncoming truck named Self-Inflicted Stress.
There's so many thoughts in my head, all not related to each other, some research, some travel, some homelessness, a fair bit of homelessness actually, and all the hell that is spawned from these sources. OK to put it in perspective:
July
7/7
Leave Singapore for KL after putting my whole room into boxes. Which is something that I should do from right now.
8/7 - 11/7
In KL. Running errands (India visa, ISIC card, shopping for formal wear, somehow fix my hair), multiple gatherings (Asa, LL, XiaoCi, my NZ Aunt).
12/7
Return to Singapore with my World's Greatest Parents and move everything to Jia Ling's place.
13/7 - 17/7
Some graduate forum. Whole-day affairs. I'm presenting a paper. Which means that I need to prepare for my paper as well.
17/7 - 25/7
India. Haven't got CSers for Bangalore yet. I am nervous. Also I think India's going to be really intense, and at this point it looks intimidating. Thanks to my mum who was collecting horror stories in attempt to dissuade me from going. We'll be covering Bangalore, Mysore, Chennai and Pondicherry.
27/7 - 31/7
Some course for graduate students. Also whole-day affairs. Right after India. Have to adjust my mind straight after I come back.
August
1/8 - 3/8
Prep for US
4/8
Flight to Boston. Reach Boston at 10:30pm.
5/8 - 8/8
Conference. Presenting paper on the 6th. Need to prepare some kind of poster session. Have no idea how it's going to be like.
9/8 - 13/8
Bus to New York from Boston. Bunk at Kingston's, meet up with XC and Jian Hui. Probably the only relaxed part of my trip to the US.
13/8 - 20/8
Research week at San Francisco where I try to talk to people. I haven't planned it yet. My theoretical framework, my interview questions, my EVERYTHING. Kill me now please.
21/8 - 30/8
Camping Part 1 - Going with the Green Tortoise for its Canyons of the West trip, covering Las Vegas, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon NP, Arches NP, Monument Valley, Lake Powell, Grand Canyon NP.
September
1/9 - 7/9
Camping Part 2 - Burning Man. Also going with Green Tortoise. Intense desert camping, but at least I'll have someone to take care of my food and water and transport. Highlight of my trip. And I am still bloody scared.
9/9
Arrive in Singapore. Back. Finally. Start to look for a new room. Move house from Jia Ling's, as soon as possible. This will take me at least 2 weeks. At least. But can't mooch off Jia Ling's hospitality too much.
OK Siao onot. Two months, four countries. (And check all that KL-Singapore-India-Singapore action.) The panic has kicked in, and according to past experience, action will kick in soon after, but I'm at that paralyzed stage where I need extra push from panic to get away from the inertia, and then the two months will fly by. The details of the plans still have to be executed, and I have to come up with some extensive to-do list, extensive packing list, extensive people-to-bother list.
I like lists. I now have a list of lists. This should be heaven for me. AAAARrrrggggh the truck's gonna hit me!!!!
Adrenaline rush, danger danger danger. Then after moving have to get my confirmation report ready, as my goal is to complete it by the end of this year. October, November, December. 2009 will then be gone, we'll be one decade into the 2000's, and climate change effects are going to happen even more frequently, and we're all going to die!!!!!!!
Shhhhh. Everything's going to be ok. Shhhhhh.
I am not procrastinating.
After a long and fruitful day I am finally back in my room, in KL, sipping green tea after a good oily dinner, seated in front of my 19-inch monitor. Ahh. The simple pleasures of being home.
Long day because yesterday I didn't sleep too well on the train. I was reading The Kite Runner lent to me by Kukui, who, upon my rejection to read it, sneakily left it with me, so when I was hard pressed for loo reading I picked it up and since then I took extra time every morning to be on the loo and to get depressed even before breakfast. Looking back it wasn't that the book was that depressing, but because I was expecting to get depressed, it kinda became a self-fulfilling prophecy. So anyway I decided to end the madness once and for all and finished the book on the train, bawling my eyes out on upper berth #27, carriage L1, silently because I didn't want to freak out the ill kid sleeping at lower berth #28. Was about 2am when I finally slept, woke up 3 something, went back to sleep and woke up at 6am when the KTM folks walked around waking everybody up to get ready to alight. It wasn't till 6:35am till we reached KL Sentral.
Breakfast with mum and dad, good char kuey tiao at Damansara, got home about 8 something, gawked at sister's new boyfriend with interest, had a quick nap, took a shower and went for my first interview of the day - I am doing a term paper on editorial decisions on the reporting of ethnic issues - got good material, had lunch with mum and dad, nailed my second interview of the day to be held at 4pm, went to do the interview at 4pm, finished interview at 5 something, got back home, went out for dinner, nailed my third and fourth interviews to be held tomorrow hence meeting my quota of at least three interviewees, and I got a diverse set of English, Malay and Chinese dailies, so I am happy.
If you look carefully the above paragraph only has one period.
If you look carefully again, the above paragraph only has one period as well. And no commas.
Yeah so now I have two interviews to transcribe, the material is quite rich and I'm pretty satisfied how things turned out, and that I did not waste this weekend coming home. Not that I don't want to come home, but I am quite up to my neck with work, and travelling home always disorients me badly. Two term papers due next next week. Term Paper #1 I have been trying to complete since ever, and I have only succeeded in coming up with a bee analogy to what I feel about it, which is I am the bee stuck in a glass jar in a beautiful meadow and I keep knocking my head on the glass to get out.
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock* are we out yet?
*knock*
Yeah the bee in the analogy is not very bright. But we'll get there. Out in the meadows among the daisies and the pesky butterflies.
Oh and I have yet another insult that I learnt in class. If a person is libel-proof, it means that he has such a low reputation, that he is not defamable. It's just not possible. He's at the lowest rung of the Loser Ladder, that if you threw an indestructible rock down a well that houses the Loser Ladder in an island off Greenland it would travel through the centre of the earth and pop out through another well in the Antarctica where the last rung of the Loser Ladder is at. And strike the libel-proof person clinging onto it.
I hope it is not apparent that I am actually procrastinating from doing any real work by blogging, yet again. Data collection for Term Paper #2 is making progress but I still have a fair bit of work to transcribe and analyze all the findings that I've got, and that is something that I don't fancy doing right now, although my conscience says that I should, since I am sitting in front of my 19-inch monitor, sipping green tea and entirely poised to work.
I think I shall go to bed instead.
Long day because yesterday I didn't sleep too well on the train. I was reading The Kite Runner lent to me by Kukui, who, upon my rejection to read it, sneakily left it with me, so when I was hard pressed for loo reading I picked it up and since then I took extra time every morning to be on the loo and to get depressed even before breakfast. Looking back it wasn't that the book was that depressing, but because I was expecting to get depressed, it kinda became a self-fulfilling prophecy. So anyway I decided to end the madness once and for all and finished the book on the train, bawling my eyes out on upper berth #27, carriage L1, silently because I didn't want to freak out the ill kid sleeping at lower berth #28. Was about 2am when I finally slept, woke up 3 something, went back to sleep and woke up at 6am when the KTM folks walked around waking everybody up to get ready to alight. It wasn't till 6:35am till we reached KL Sentral.
Breakfast with mum and dad, good char kuey tiao at Damansara, got home about 8 something, gawked at sister's new boyfriend with interest, had a quick nap, took a shower and went for my first interview of the day - I am doing a term paper on editorial decisions on the reporting of ethnic issues - got good material, had lunch with mum and dad, nailed my second interview of the day to be held at 4pm, went to do the interview at 4pm, finished interview at 5 something, got back home, went out for dinner, nailed my third and fourth interviews to be held tomorrow hence meeting my quota of at least three interviewees, and I got a diverse set of English, Malay and Chinese dailies, so I am happy.
If you look carefully the above paragraph only has one period.
If you look carefully again, the above paragraph only has one period as well. And no commas.
Yeah so now I have two interviews to transcribe, the material is quite rich and I'm pretty satisfied how things turned out, and that I did not waste this weekend coming home. Not that I don't want to come home, but I am quite up to my neck with work, and travelling home always disorients me badly. Two term papers due next next week. Term Paper #1 I have been trying to complete since ever, and I have only succeeded in coming up with a bee analogy to what I feel about it, which is I am the bee stuck in a glass jar in a beautiful meadow and I keep knocking my head on the glass to get out.
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock*
*knock* are we out yet?
*knock*
Yeah the bee in the analogy is not very bright. But we'll get there. Out in the meadows among the daisies and the pesky butterflies.
Oh and I have yet another insult that I learnt in class. If a person is libel-proof, it means that he has such a low reputation, that he is not defamable. It's just not possible. He's at the lowest rung of the Loser Ladder, that if you threw an indestructible rock down a well that houses the Loser Ladder in an island off Greenland it would travel through the centre of the earth and pop out through another well in the Antarctica where the last rung of the Loser Ladder is at. And strike the libel-proof person clinging onto it.
I hope it is not apparent that I am actually procrastinating from doing any real work by blogging, yet again. Data collection for Term Paper #2 is making progress but I still have a fair bit of work to transcribe and analyze all the findings that I've got, and that is something that I don't fancy doing right now, although my conscience says that I should, since I am sitting in front of my 19-inch monitor, sipping green tea and entirely poised to work.
I think I shall go to bed instead.
Isi terpesong.
What do you do when you have written about 70% of a paper and find out that er... it... kinda... went out of topic
T_T
Change title? Try to gloss it over? Die die argue - what we say, cure the dead horse like it's alive?
No. You procrastinate and hope that the paper will rewrite itself while you blog.
I had a great night of sleep yesterday. Slept at 10:30pm and was knocked out till about 6:30am. Then woke up, turned to the other side, and slept some more till 8am. Then stared at the wall map until about 8:30am. Then got my lazy ass to school when I reaffirmed the nagging feeling I had all weekend - isi terpesong... now trying to figure out the next course of action.
I think I have a twisted pinky which makes it rather irritating to type. *flexes fingers* *gets irritated* *flexes fingers some more*
May be going back to KL this weekend to do some interviews for another term paper. This semester is flying by with record speed... My exams are less than a month away (!!) but I still have tons of coursework left, but I'm really glad that after this sem I will not have any more compulsory classes, but can choose to sit in and just learn without the pressure, damn it.
Intermission rant - I still don't get it why finals are weighted at 50% of the total marks. Why would they base 50% of my marks on a mere 3 hours when I spend at least ten times more hours on my term paper??
Oh yeah, I went for the Red Cross charity concert in our school last Saturday with Apurva, an undergrad from India whom I met during the Toy Museum outing. Most of the performances were quite high-school-ish - reminded me so much of Chong Hwa! Complete with the totally kayu emcees and badly rehearsed on-stage humour.
They had 二十四节令鼓 (played by like 8 people) and it was nowhere near Chong Hwa's standard ok... super miss Chong Hwa 二十四节令鼓, the people performing the other day just didn't possess the kind of collective energy and the war-like stance which is what I really liked about 二十四节令鼓 in Chong Hwa, really powerful stuff. Instead theirs was quite lethargic and was scattered sometimes *narrow eyes in disapproval*
And then there was this performance by an acclaimed pianist (according to the kayu emcees). Pianists play the piano. Singers sing. Some pianists may be blessed with good voices and hence can sing as they play. Mr. Acclaimed Pianist was not blessed as such. I don't understand why he chose to play two Chinese pop songs and to overpower his acclaimed piano skills with his lacklustre voice and weird pronunciation. He did make me miss YJ though - not because I associated YJ with his crappy performance, but because he was singing this song 一首简单的歌 by 王力宏.
His pronunciation and slightly off key tones made this progression:
一首简单的歌 ==> 一首煎蛋的歌 ==> 一首Zyan Tan 的歌
So yes. I missed Zyan Tan (YJ).
I know a lot of effort is put into organizing stuff like these, especially a charity concert with noble intentions, and they raised like 7k for the Red Cross Disabled Home. I just can't resist to make mean comments about crappy performances however noble the intentions were.
But! All is not lost! There was one performance that saved it all - and that was The Strikeforce, a drum team which was so uplifting, so passionate, so crazily fun that all my grouses were wiped out and I was thankful that I went to this concert instead of just throwing the ticket away. Good performances like these - they just make you want to laugh and to clap and to whoop (Weeeee!) and to revel in the raw energy. You could see that the performers had fun. They were dancing to their beat and laughing, like they weren't performing but just a bunch of crazy kids enjoying making synchronized noise.
Some idea of how The Strikeforce is like:
The passive crowd went wild from being all glazed from tolerating the previous acts. I couldn't stop smiling. Then a local celebrity came in to perform as the last act and it was all =_= again. OMG the stupid jokes (if you can't execute humour with finesse, then just pretend to be cool and not talk) and he was like "Careful with my guitar" when the emcees came to pretend to fawn over him (really badly rehearsed) after his first performance. Snooty kid.
OK I am gratified with all the mean comments. Back to the real world where I shall... figure out what to do with my terpesong piece. Joy.
T_T
Change title? Try to gloss it over? Die die argue - what we say, cure the dead horse like it's alive?
No. You procrastinate and hope that the paper will rewrite itself while you blog.
I had a great night of sleep yesterday. Slept at 10:30pm and was knocked out till about 6:30am. Then woke up, turned to the other side, and slept some more till 8am. Then stared at the wall map until about 8:30am. Then got my lazy ass to school when I reaffirmed the nagging feeling I had all weekend - isi terpesong... now trying to figure out the next course of action.
I think I have a twisted pinky which makes it rather irritating to type. *flexes fingers* *gets irritated* *flexes fingers some more*
May be going back to KL this weekend to do some interviews for another term paper. This semester is flying by with record speed... My exams are less than a month away (!!) but I still have tons of coursework left, but I'm really glad that after this sem I will not have any more compulsory classes, but can choose to sit in and just learn without the pressure, damn it.
Intermission rant - I still don't get it why finals are weighted at 50% of the total marks. Why would they base 50% of my marks on a mere 3 hours when I spend at least ten times more hours on my term paper??
Oh yeah, I went for the Red Cross charity concert in our school last Saturday with Apurva, an undergrad from India whom I met during the Toy Museum outing. Most of the performances were quite high-school-ish - reminded me so much of Chong Hwa! Complete with the totally kayu emcees and badly rehearsed on-stage humour.
They had 二十四节令鼓 (played by like 8 people) and it was nowhere near Chong Hwa's standard ok... super miss Chong Hwa 二十四节令鼓, the people performing the other day just didn't possess the kind of collective energy and the war-like stance which is what I really liked about 二十四节令鼓 in Chong Hwa, really powerful stuff. Instead theirs was quite lethargic and was scattered sometimes *narrow eyes in disapproval*
And then there was this performance by an acclaimed pianist (according to the kayu emcees). Pianists play the piano. Singers sing. Some pianists may be blessed with good voices and hence can sing as they play. Mr. Acclaimed Pianist was not blessed as such. I don't understand why he chose to play two Chinese pop songs and to overpower his acclaimed piano skills with his lacklustre voice and weird pronunciation. He did make me miss YJ though - not because I associated YJ with his crappy performance, but because he was singing this song 一首简单的歌 by 王力宏.
His pronunciation and slightly off key tones made this progression:
一首简单的歌 ==> 一首煎蛋的歌 ==> 一首Zyan Tan 的歌
So yes. I missed Zyan Tan (YJ).
I know a lot of effort is put into organizing stuff like these, especially a charity concert with noble intentions, and they raised like 7k for the Red Cross Disabled Home. I just can't resist to make mean comments about crappy performances however noble the intentions were.
But! All is not lost! There was one performance that saved it all - and that was The Strikeforce, a drum team which was so uplifting, so passionate, so crazily fun that all my grouses were wiped out and I was thankful that I went to this concert instead of just throwing the ticket away. Good performances like these - they just make you want to laugh and to clap and to whoop (Weeeee!) and to revel in the raw energy. You could see that the performers had fun. They were dancing to their beat and laughing, like they weren't performing but just a bunch of crazy kids enjoying making synchronized noise.
Some idea of how The Strikeforce is like:
The passive crowd went wild from being all glazed from tolerating the previous acts. I couldn't stop smiling. Then a local celebrity came in to perform as the last act and it was all =_= again. OMG the stupid jokes (if you can't execute humour with finesse, then just pretend to be cool and not talk) and he was like "Careful with my guitar" when the emcees came to pretend to fawn over him (really badly rehearsed) after his first performance. Snooty kid.
OK I am gratified with all the mean comments. Back to the real world where I shall... figure out what to do with my terpesong piece. Joy.
So I'm really high now.
I have loads of work to do, truckloads, but I can't really focus right now because I'm so bloody high.
Reason for me being high is because I might have some good news soon but I won't tell it here before it's confirmed for fear that I would jinx it. I have cleared the first two levels and am in the process of clearing the third one, to get to my ultimate goal. I want it really badly and I am trying to not think so much about it because I don't really know how jinxes work. I might jinx it just by thinking of it. Or, will being afraid of jinxes actually induce jinxes? *flails arms in the air frantically to get rid of any potential jinxes*
I am blasting music in my ears so that I can drown out all the commotion in my head from random voices in it. I think there's a whole chattering stadium in there. My body's just too pumped up right now, heart beating extra fast, fingers positively breaking the keyboard, mind moving gazillion miles an hour with no intention of stopping to actually return to my readings where my work lies. I was supposed to finish this paper today or treat KF to a movie. Yeah so I'm gonna lose the bet which is hard to take but I do not care because I'm high and all that.
I still have a lot of work to do to clear Level 3 and beyond, but now it is attainable *feverishly thumping my wooden desk*, it is concrete now that I've talked to some people involved, what I have to do now is to make it happen.
*deep breath*
OK back to work.
Reason for me being high is because I might have some good news soon but I won't tell it here before it's confirmed for fear that I would jinx it. I have cleared the first two levels and am in the process of clearing the third one, to get to my ultimate goal. I want it really badly and I am trying to not think so much about it because I don't really know how jinxes work. I might jinx it just by thinking of it. Or, will being afraid of jinxes actually induce jinxes? *flails arms in the air frantically to get rid of any potential jinxes*
I am blasting music in my ears so that I can drown out all the commotion in my head from random voices in it. I think there's a whole chattering stadium in there. My body's just too pumped up right now, heart beating extra fast, fingers positively breaking the keyboard, mind moving gazillion miles an hour with no intention of stopping to actually return to my readings where my work lies. I was supposed to finish this paper today or treat KF to a movie. Yeah so I'm gonna lose the bet which is hard to take but I do not care because I'm high and all that.
I still have a lot of work to do to clear Level 3 and beyond, but now it is attainable *feverishly thumping my wooden desk*, it is concrete now that I've talked to some people involved, what I have to do now is to make it happen.
*deep breath*
OK back to work.
Why.
Why no aircond on Saturday. Why.
Was supposed to do some hiking at the Bukit Timah area this morning with some couchsurfers but ended up not going because I woke up with a sore throat, which is so old that it's not even whine-worthy anymore. So I decided to be good and go to the office to continue writing my paper, which is progressing at a breakneck speed of two paragraphs/day (yesterday being the first day that the writing commenced).
I have since found out that oxygen is quite vital to lubricate the synapses in order for academic writing to flourish. Who would have thought? Though non-academic writing seems to flow when one is delirious, or so I've noticed.
I texted Feng Yang to warn her of the dearth of air in the office, and she replied "OMG! is our school going bankrupt?" which I found most amusing indeed. The new policy appears to be that there would be no airconditioning after 6:30pm and during the weekends. Apart from deranged admin staff trying to suffocate our brilliant brains systematically, we have come up with an alternative theory that the school is going through rigorous cost-cutting measures in light of the current economic crisis. Which includes suffocating our brilliant brains systematically.
Why else would I be spending time rambling aimlessly on my blog when I should be working on my paper so that I can finish it and retire to my hostel where breathable air is in abundant supply? This isn't even a decent attempt at a proper rant. I'm ashamed of myself.
Back to work.
Was supposed to do some hiking at the Bukit Timah area this morning with some couchsurfers but ended up not going because I woke up with a sore throat, which is so old that it's not even whine-worthy anymore. So I decided to be good and go to the office to continue writing my paper, which is progressing at a breakneck speed of two paragraphs/day (yesterday being the first day that the writing commenced).
I have since found out that oxygen is quite vital to lubricate the synapses in order for academic writing to flourish. Who would have thought? Though non-academic writing seems to flow when one is delirious, or so I've noticed.
I texted Feng Yang to warn her of the dearth of air in the office, and she replied "OMG! is our school going bankrupt?" which I found most amusing indeed. The new policy appears to be that there would be no airconditioning after 6:30pm and during the weekends. Apart from deranged admin staff trying to suffocate our brilliant brains systematically, we have come up with an alternative theory that the school is going through rigorous cost-cutting measures in light of the current economic crisis. Which includes suffocating our brilliant brains systematically.
Why else would I be spending time rambling aimlessly on my blog when I should be working on my paper so that I can finish it and retire to my hostel where breathable air is in abundant supply? This isn't even a decent attempt at a proper rant. I'm ashamed of myself.
Back to work.
Can't stop bopping
to Manu Chao's Me Gustas Tú
Robert has the coolest music collection ever =D
I got a fun new year's resolution.
I'm gonna learn as many Rather Useless Things as possible this year.
Example of Rather Useless Thing - rugby rules
Example of Rather Useful Thing - French, so it's disqualified from the list.
Example of Completely Useless Thing - tying cherry stems with your tongue. Disqualified juga.
I got so many emails that I want to write
many projects to work on
many research-related thoughts to jot down
I finally learnt why mean and median are measures of central tendency
I knew how to get them but I didn't know why
Yeah I know it's like 10 years overdue but it's never too late
I'm meeting Prof K for my post mortem today
I became friends again with Guy I had Issues With yesterday
I had milo for breakfast this morning and chewed on gummybear-like sweets
me gusta marijuana, me gustas tú
me gusta colombiana, me gustas tú
me gusta la montaña, me gustas tú
me gusta la noche, me gustas tú
Robert has the coolest music collection ever =D
I got a fun new year's resolution.
I'm gonna learn as many Rather Useless Things as possible this year.
Example of Rather Useless Thing - rugby rules
Example of Rather Useful Thing - French, so it's disqualified from the list.
Example of Completely Useless Thing - tying cherry stems with your tongue. Disqualified juga.
I got so many emails that I want to write
many projects to work on
many research-related thoughts to jot down
I finally learnt why mean and median are measures of central tendency
I knew how to get them but I didn't know why
Yeah I know it's like 10 years overdue but it's never too late
I'm meeting Prof K for my post mortem today
I became friends again with Guy I had Issues With yesterday
I had milo for breakfast this morning and chewed on gummybear-like sweets
me gusta marijuana, me gustas tú
me gusta colombiana, me gustas tú
me gusta la montaña, me gustas tú
me gusta la noche, me gustas tú
Ramblings.
Times like these I want to write and write and write but I don't really know what to write. For instance I could talk about my book launch yesterday, where only less than 30 people turned up, which was good for the butterflies in my stomach but not so good for the forum in general. I sat at the panel and felt secretly mischievous as the whole thing felt so much like a fake stage, a rehearsal, because of the empty hall. I looked at the people who came and wondered why they did. Not that I don't appreciate their attendance, I do. And then I remembered previously that I would also turn up for forums like these, just for the heck of it. So apparently yesterday the gods in charge of the just-for-the-heck-of-it lever to the world only dispensed a little of the good stuff so not many people came.
Weston. I wanted to blog about Weston so bloody much when I got back from KK. Then I was busy with the book launch speech, which was crap, and then Gayo my Filipino classmate from NTU came to visit and I got us gloriously lost in the labyrinth of Kuala Lumpur, and then I worked on the speech some more, and then I got lost in an awesome book called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer. When I grow up I want to write just like him. And then there was the book launch. After that was now, and later I am going to the mall with Jen Hui to catch a movie, maybe Kinta, which is the first martial arts Malaysian film, or so I've heard. I'm also going to buy a set of PJs. That's because tonight I'm holding a pajamas party. Noone knows what's going to happen besides pajamas or lingerie (yeah right) are mandatory and it's going to be held at my house. As one of the hosts I am too lazy to ask the other host YJ what we plan to do. I don't think we're really good party throwers.
Wow, I just discovered this really neat feature of Google! I put in "Kinta", because I wanted to see the showtimes, and then there's this field that you get to put in your postcode. With much sceptism I put in 51200, my postcode, and was brought to this page, with all the showtimes of all the cinemas nearby! Batman is superbly impressed.
Tomorrow I'm leaving KL, going back to the Land of Queues in the evening. As much as I am reluctant to - and believe me I am very, very, very, (infinite loop) (break) reluctant to go back - I have to, because I am a good responsible adult and I have work to do, money to earn and travel plans to fund. I had this burning desire to travel and write a travel book again, yesterday. I hadn't had this desire for ages already. I mean, travel, yes, but to write about it, no. Good books inspire people to read, wonderful books inspire people to write.
Prof W says that I shouldn't take more than 3 years to finish my PhD, because I have the capacity to. Mum says that I should just take my time because my scholarship lasts 4 years anyway. I am undecided. But inclined towards 3 years. I think if I put my mind to it I will be able to do it. But what next then?
I should go. Jen Hui's waiting for me.
Weston. I wanted to blog about Weston so bloody much when I got back from KK. Then I was busy with the book launch speech, which was crap, and then Gayo my Filipino classmate from NTU came to visit and I got us gloriously lost in the labyrinth of Kuala Lumpur, and then I worked on the speech some more, and then I got lost in an awesome book called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer. When I grow up I want to write just like him. And then there was the book launch. After that was now, and later I am going to the mall with Jen Hui to catch a movie, maybe Kinta, which is the first martial arts Malaysian film, or so I've heard. I'm also going to buy a set of PJs. That's because tonight I'm holding a pajamas party. Noone knows what's going to happen besides pajamas or lingerie (yeah right) are mandatory and it's going to be held at my house. As one of the hosts I am too lazy to ask the other host YJ what we plan to do. I don't think we're really good party throwers.
Wow, I just discovered this really neat feature of Google! I put in "Kinta", because I wanted to see the showtimes, and then there's this field that you get to put in your postcode. With much sceptism I put in 51200, my postcode, and was brought to this page, with all the showtimes of all the cinemas nearby! Batman is superbly impressed.
Tomorrow I'm leaving KL, going back to the Land of Queues in the evening. As much as I am reluctant to - and believe me I am very, very, very, (infinite loop) (break) reluctant to go back - I have to, because I am a good responsible adult and I have work to do, money to earn and travel plans to fund. I had this burning desire to travel and write a travel book again, yesterday. I hadn't had this desire for ages already. I mean, travel, yes, but to write about it, no. Good books inspire people to read, wonderful books inspire people to write.
Prof W says that I shouldn't take more than 3 years to finish my PhD, because I have the capacity to. Mum says that I should just take my time because my scholarship lasts 4 years anyway. I am undecided. But inclined towards 3 years. I think if I put my mind to it I will be able to do it. But what next then?
I should go. Jen Hui's waiting for me.
So I was reading.
I was in a current of words, which brushed against me, I could almost feel the friction on my skin, the slight resistance, stronger than wind, weaker than warm sea water, somewhere in between. I didn't always understand what the words meant, although I understood what the words meant. It's like listening and hearing. Sometimes you hear, but you don't listen. Or was it the other way around?
When there was comprehension, I was carried in a whirlwind of emotions the words afforded me, I saw what he wanted me to see, I was in his body, I became one with him. I cried, I laughed, I heard his voice accompanying the current of words. Sometimes it was heavy, like thunder - not loud, startling crackles, but slow, uneasy rumbles in the distance. Sometimes it was light, like tinkles of bells, like children laughing, and I was happy.
Sometimes I lost track of the words, they were rushing at me in torrents, so I contented myself with skipping through the pages like bouncing on rocks in a stream, absently looking at the meaning trickling in between the words, consciously taking care not to pay too much attention, in case I got ahead of myself and discovered too much of what was in store. It was like being a fortune teller. Sometimes I glimpsed good parts coming up, at times bad. When I saw bad parts I would read extremely slowly, trying to prolong the inevitable downfall, while hoping endlessly that I had misread the crystal ball and it would be good after all.
Never, never would I skip to the end. That would be sacrilege. It would render The Book meaningless, everything from the page that I'd stopped halfway till the last page might as well be blank because they didn't matter anymore. The end had happened in spite of all the expanse of pages in the blank. And I love The Book, I never want to finish it. I love how it makes me feel, parts of my soul that I had forgotten that I had. I want to prolong this open window of looking at precious little corners with some childhood left in it.
Like a lingering scent that you want to smell for ever and ever although you know you have to stop breathing in at some point or your lungs would burst, and then the scent would be lost. For a while you might remember how it smelt like, how beautiful it was, till it fades away, even in your memory, and there is only one line of words left in your head - "It was a beautiful smell, a little like cinnamon, a little like freshly laundered bedsheets dried by the sun, a little like him." Then even that line would shrink, slowly becoming "I smelt a smell. It was good." to "Singapore sucks, I hate my life."
Then and there the window would be closed, and you have to wait till another time when you get a whiff again, and remember how beautiful it was, how lovely your soul can actually be, and the amazing things you could do if you held on to this moment and continued to dream like how you did, before the world came into the picture and messed you up.
When there was comprehension, I was carried in a whirlwind of emotions the words afforded me, I saw what he wanted me to see, I was in his body, I became one with him. I cried, I laughed, I heard his voice accompanying the current of words. Sometimes it was heavy, like thunder - not loud, startling crackles, but slow, uneasy rumbles in the distance. Sometimes it was light, like tinkles of bells, like children laughing, and I was happy.
Sometimes I lost track of the words, they were rushing at me in torrents, so I contented myself with skipping through the pages like bouncing on rocks in a stream, absently looking at the meaning trickling in between the words, consciously taking care not to pay too much attention, in case I got ahead of myself and discovered too much of what was in store. It was like being a fortune teller. Sometimes I glimpsed good parts coming up, at times bad. When I saw bad parts I would read extremely slowly, trying to prolong the inevitable downfall, while hoping endlessly that I had misread the crystal ball and it would be good after all.
Never, never would I skip to the end. That would be sacrilege. It would render The Book meaningless, everything from the page that I'd stopped halfway till the last page might as well be blank because they didn't matter anymore. The end had happened in spite of all the expanse of pages in the blank. And I love The Book, I never want to finish it. I love how it makes me feel, parts of my soul that I had forgotten that I had. I want to prolong this open window of looking at precious little corners with some childhood left in it.
Like a lingering scent that you want to smell for ever and ever although you know you have to stop breathing in at some point or your lungs would burst, and then the scent would be lost. For a while you might remember how it smelt like, how beautiful it was, till it fades away, even in your memory, and there is only one line of words left in your head - "It was a beautiful smell, a little like cinnamon, a little like freshly laundered bedsheets dried by the sun, a little like him." Then even that line would shrink, slowly becoming "I smelt a smell. It was good." to "Singapore sucks, I hate my life."
Then and there the window would be closed, and you have to wait till another time when you get a whiff again, and remember how beautiful it was, how lovely your soul can actually be, and the amazing things you could do if you held on to this moment and continued to dream like how you did, before the world came into the picture and messed you up.
So long suckers!
I've gotta pack as usual. So far I have accomplished dragging my backpack out of its drawer and smiling amiably at it.
Hello backpack my old friend! Looks like we're flying off tomorrow. Would you be a dear and pack yourself? No? Hey don't use that tone with me young man. Fine! Be that way.
The customary procrastination before packing. Ahhhhhh. The smell of freedom. *sniff sniff* Doesn't smell like anything in particular but is still intoxicating no less.
What I've been up to lately. Reverse chronologically - got interviewed by someone from The Straits Times (only the most important paper in Singapore) on Couchsurfing this evening. She'll notify me if it gets published, i.e. it's still in the early planning stage. This morning had the last exam of this semester!! Wahahahaha! Yesterday got to know from a very reliable source that my homosexuality group project got A. Wahahaha!! Sometime this week I went to see Dr. I and got the results of my other term paper, A+ =D Conference conference!! Sometime two weeks ago got an invitation to review a journal article from the Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute, my first ever invitation to do that! (I even emailed the editor to see if there was a mistake in identity =_=)
What I'm going to be up to for the following month. Chronologically - here's my itinerary for Kota Kinabalu, thanks to dear Nex!
Sat 22 - Reach KK at night
Sun 23 - Market in the morning, depart for White Water Rafting by 9am, return to KK by 3pm, transfer to Weston Wetlands
Mon 24 - Weston Wetlands
Tue 25 - Weston Wetlands, return to KK by evening
Wed 26 - Bamboo Festival in the morning, then explore KK in the afternoon and laze around the beach in the evening and watch the sun set.
Thu 27 - Island hopping (back to KK by 4:30pm), departure in the evening
Then I'll fly home =D Spend a week or so in KL =D Book launch on the 5th. Conveniently missing the date for my half-marathon... sigh... yes I am feeling stupid now, 3 months after enrolling myself for that half-marathon. Yeah I'm a lazy bum and I screwed up =( After a week in KL come back to Singapore. Stay put for the rest of December to revise the term paper for submission to conferences and journals, do my research on PhD and sneak in a little French here and there.
Yeah so. Looks like I got a pretty full plate for the time being. But yes. Freedom feels good!!!
Looks like there won't be any packing done today. If you're lucky there may be another packing post tomorrow =D And behold - the longest label list ever:
Hello backpack my old friend! Looks like we're flying off tomorrow. Would you be a dear and pack yourself? No? Hey don't use that tone with me young man. Fine! Be that way.
The customary procrastination before packing. Ahhhhhh. The smell of freedom. *sniff sniff* Doesn't smell like anything in particular but is still intoxicating no less.
What I've been up to lately. Reverse chronologically - got interviewed by someone from The Straits Times (only the most important paper in Singapore) on Couchsurfing this evening. She'll notify me if it gets published, i.e. it's still in the early planning stage. This morning had the last exam of this semester!! Wahahahaha! Yesterday got to know from a very reliable source that my homosexuality group project got A. Wahahaha!! Sometime this week I went to see Dr. I and got the results of my other term paper, A+ =D Conference conference!! Sometime two weeks ago got an invitation to review a journal article from the Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute, my first ever invitation to do that! (I even emailed the editor to see if there was a mistake in identity =_=)
What I'm going to be up to for the following month. Chronologically - here's my itinerary for Kota Kinabalu, thanks to dear Nex!
Sat 22 - Reach KK at night
Sun 23 - Market in the morning, depart for White Water Rafting by 9am, return to KK by 3pm, transfer to Weston Wetlands
Mon 24 - Weston Wetlands
Tue 25 - Weston Wetlands, return to KK by evening
Wed 26 - Bamboo Festival in the morning, then explore KK in the afternoon and laze around the beach in the evening and watch the sun set.
Thu 27 - Island hopping (back to KK by 4:30pm), departure in the evening
Then I'll fly home =D Spend a week or so in KL =D Book launch on the 5th. Conveniently missing the date for my half-marathon... sigh... yes I am feeling stupid now, 3 months after enrolling myself for that half-marathon. Yeah I'm a lazy bum and I screwed up =( After a week in KL come back to Singapore. Stay put for the rest of December to revise the term paper for submission to conferences and journals, do my research on PhD and sneak in a little French here and there.
Yeah so. Looks like I got a pretty full plate for the time being. But yes. Freedom feels good!!!
Looks like there won't be any packing done today. If you're lucky there may be another packing post tomorrow =D And behold - the longest label list ever:
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