So I decided to go to bed early.

Slept for half an hour. Woke up at 11pm. Stared at my wall map lit by the dim light of my bedside lamp. Shifted my blanket around. Too warm. Took my blanket off. I like sleeping with a blanket on me. Pulled the blanket over my head. Too warm. Kicked the blanket away.

Stared at Kazakhstan. Wondered if there were Couchsurfers in Kazakhstan.

Listened to the lyrics of some songs from The Bird and The Bee which was still playing, from before I slept. Good tracks. Good vocals. Can't remember what the lyrics were about though.

Lay still. Thought of the weekend in front of me. Got depressed. Tried not to get depressed. Got extremely depressed. Turned on the lights. Went downstairs and got some snacks from the vending machine. Still people walking around. Of course, it is but 11pm.

Tried to smile at this Chinese girl who did not smile back. Stood in a corner of the lift and felt that I did not occupy space. Got out of the lift. Got into my room. Turned on the computer. Started watching 海角七号. Finished the snacks. Decided that I wasn't in the mood for 海角七号.

Still depressed. Lah.

Taiwan portrayed in 海角七号 is somewhat alluring. I want to go to Taiwan. Maybe I should go to Taiwan. The other day I checked flights to Frankfurt. I have enough of savings to afford that. Though it would be a very, very budgeted trip. Make that very, very, very. And that would burn my savings to the ground, which would not be wise. I also looked at East Malaysia. Impulse trip alert. Fuck lah need to go away. Anywhere. Need to run. Need space. Need to get out.

I am tired of mankind. I am tired of the virtual world. I am tired of myself. Do you know how tedious it is to be with yourself, like 90% of the time? All the internal monologues. Repeating and repeating. All the hopes and dreams. Repeating and repeating. All the want, all the despair, all the want again. Repeating. But that is not the worst. The worst is when you get to a point when nothing matters anymore because you're fucking bored of your life.

Why sleep, when you are going to wake up and relive today, over and over again? And over. and over. again.